Thankful For You And The Memories.

I'm sitting here in my room, waiting for my parents to finish getting ready so that we can go to North Carolina for Thanksgiving break. Originally I was going to drive up separately and then come home on Friday so that I could work and see my friends who are home for the holidays. But then yesterday my mom said that she decided I would be staying the whole time and had no say in the matter. Anybody else hate being treated like a 12 year old? I was so angry that I had to drop the subject. But after talking it over some more with Eva, I have decided that I need to bring it up again and explain to my mom why the way she is treating me is not working. So, I told my dad that I want to talk to them before we leave, and I am waiting until they are ready to talk. I realized that I am afraid of talking to my mother. I am so used to her not listening and making me cry that I dread whenever I have to confront her about something. This makes me really sad, a healthy mother/daughter relationship should not be like that. I was excite about spending a couple days in the mountains with my parents...until my mom decided to force me to stay. Now I don't want to go at all. I have a real problem with being forced into things and not receiving respect. That is one of my biggest issues. Please don't lie to me, I don't like being treated like a moron. Just give me the respect of telling the truth...that comes with trust.

Anyways, I am not looking forward to this holiday. I usually love Thanksgiving, but this year I find myself dreading the day and planning ways to avoid my parents the whole time we're there. If only I had sibling to spend my time with...sigh.

However, I do believe in the meaning of Thanksgiving, and for that reason I decided to make a list of all that I am grateful for...in no particular order.

I am thankful for:
-My parents, they are amazing no matter how frustrated they make me sometimes. I know I am so lucky to have them.
-My animals: Gracie, Lucy, Banks, Barrington, and Clemi. They are awesome and they closest thing I have to siblings in this house.
-The fact that I have a job at this time when the economy is weak. I may not like it but at least I have something.
-My house, it's pretty awesome. And I am lucky to have a roof over my head.
-Pearl...she's done a lot for me and I love her in all her crackleiness.
-My mac, I know that's silly, but I just love it so much!
-School, I am sooo thankful that I love Ga State!
-Dance, I am so lucky that I have dance as an outlet.
-The Pasquariellos, they've been a second family to me the last couple years and I love them all so much. Trey, Knows me so, so well, I can always count on him to be there for me. Nick and Dev, Best "siblings" ever.
-Jordan, I am so lucky to have such an amazing roommate who knows me so well and has become one of my very best friends in such a short time.
Eva and Alex, so great in their own ways. Eva is so intense but can always lift the mood. She always knows what to do to cheer me up and I am so thankful for that. Everyone needs a friend like Eva. Alex, is just so silly. I love him for all of his quirkyness but how deep he is also.
Marina, my sister since birth. I wish she was here, I miss her so much. She knows me inside and out, and even though we've had our moments I know she will never leave me.
Matt, always knows when to put me in my place but always there with a helping hand or a listening ear.
-Caitie, so smart and willing to help. I know I can always go to her for anything. I envy her determination and beliefs.
-Jade, I have so much respect for the type of person she strives to be everyday. She is so confident in her values and beliefs and is one of those people who is just an awesome friend to have.

Of course there are many other people for whom I am thankful, but I thought I would start with people who will read this blog and who I would have included anyways.

This all sounds so cliche, but I just felt as though it was a good time to tell you all how much you mean to me and how much I miss you guys.


Annddd, while I was finishing up- my dad came in to tell me that my mom decided I could choose if I will stay this weekend or not...so I am thanksful for that too :)
Anyone of you feel free to call me this week! I'm sure I will be dying for some outside contact...
Love to you all, and happy Thanksgiving!

P.S.
I'm excited now!

Joe the plumber, meet Barack the president.

After spending so much time in classrooms last week, I've decided that when I grow up and have kids....and if I have two boys...then I want to name the first one Nathan, after my great grandfather, and the second one Parker...or Aidan. I'm not sure about girl names though...because frankly...I don't really like girl names. But I do like Madelyn and Connor. I can assure you however, that I will not name any of my children Mer Sadie, Jean, Cookie or Versacci. Oh, and I will never name my child George. I don't want his 5th grade class to always sing the George of the Jungle song when he is called on.
Something else I realized by visiting Roswell North, is that I want to persue sever disabilities special education, rather than just learning and behavioral disabilities. I like working with Autistic students especially. I'm excited for that, but also nervous. I want to be the absolutely best teacher I can be and I don't want to mess it up. Something else that is making me nervous, is that I keep hearing that special ed teachers usually burn out within 5 years. What if that happens to me? I will have gone through all of that school and trainging to end up doing something that includes so much paperwork that I end up hating the profession I used to be so passionate about. Gaahhh, anyways. Whatever happens, happens. And for now, I am excited about the direction I am heading in. I had an awesome time last weekend visiting App State. It was soo great to see all of my friends at App again. I've missed them all so much! I'm so glad we got to go to and App football game and Molly and Jessie's dance recital. And of course, I am very, very thankful to Trey and Jordan for coming with me, ya'll are amazing :)
Speaking of friends, I have the best in the world. I am so thankful for all of you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you. I hate leaving school now because I miss everyone so much and I'm afraid I'll miss so much. So, thanks guys. I love you all.
Last week Jordan and I took a hip-hop class together and I had soo much fun! t had been about a year and a half since I'd taken a hip-hop class and it was a much needed break from everyday life. I'm so excited to go back and take more classes! I'm also thinking about trying to find like an adult dance company or something. I really need dance in my life again, I miss it so much! Let me know if you hear of anything :)
Tuesday night might have been the proudest moment in my life. I can not believe that we, as a country, actually elected Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States. I witnessed this historic even twith some of my best friends and my parents. I love Obama and his family and I have so much respect for them. I know it will be a long time before he can accomplish much, but I am so excited! I really respect all of the people who voted for John McCain, but are now in support of Obama because he is the president-elect. We don't need more division in this country and I think ya'll are awesome for being so supportive. On the other hand, it really scares me what I've heard about white supremacists, etc. I do not want to live to see a president of the United States be assinated. I have the Obama family in my prayers and I hope to God they all stay safe. I am still in awe by the fact that I got to see the next president speak in person, the night before his election. I will always have that amazing memory. It was completely worth missing school for, even if I am still completely deprived of sleep and had the busiest week after. Obama is the most amazing speaker and I could have listened to him talk in the rain for hours. And we were sooo close! It's amazing how lucky we were.
I am soo excited to go back to hip-hop tomorrow and for the Twilight movie next week! Yay for friends and movies and books about vampire love stories! Anndd midnight showings! Woo!

13 things...

because I'm bored...

13. I'm excited for lunch, Tinsel Town baby.

12. I really want to travel to somewhere fun, with friends. Somewhere like Puerto Rico would be nice...

11. Having the whole dorm to yourself so you can shower with the door open and blast your music is a rare gift.

10. A sad song can darken my mood immediately; but Cartel can lift my mood instantly.

9. A brisk walk in the cold is very nice.

8. Apples and peanut butter are delicious.

7. Having something to look forward to is always great...App State!

6. Finishing huge assignments and fixing disagreements takes a load off your mind.

5. Spontaneity is always fun, even when the movie sucks...

4. I love having a project to work on

3. Fall weather is amazing and it makes me happy.

2. Tradition is awesome.

1. I have amazing friends.

Inspire Me.

I went to this extra credit lecture last night for my education class. It was the 20th anniversary of this lecture series, started by Benjamin E. Mays in 1988. The guest speaker was Mrs. Marian Wright Edelman, an amazing woman who founded and is president of the Children's Defense Fund.  She was the first black woman admitted to the Mississippi Bar and worked with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on the Poor People's Campaign. Mrs. Edelman gave a very moving and intriguing lecture which I thoroughly enjoyed. She was so inspiring that I have decided that I want to start a Freedom School in Atlanta. Freedom schools started in the 1960s as "temporary, alternative free schools for African Americans mostly in the South. They were originally part of a nationwide effort during the Civil Rights Movement to organize African Americans to achieve social, political and economic equality in the United States." Today, CDF Freedom Schools are summer programs for about 50 students led by around 6 college student interns and 2-3 adult supervisors. Its a school program where underprivileged kids of all races come Monday through Friday, 8am-3pm to learn. They read higher level books, have a more interactive classroom, sing and dance every morning and have teachers who are so passionate about what they are doing and helping these children to become the best they can be.

After finding out that we don't have a Freedom School in Atlanta, Ga..really..ATL?! I decided that I want to try and get one started here. However, it takes about $58, 000 to start and run one of these schools for 5-6 weeks. I have to find a sponsor, or co-sponsors. Eva had the brilliant idea of asking Coca-Cola to sponsor it, since they obviously have a ton of money, have a commitment to education and children, and have their headquarters in Atl. However, if you know of anyone who might be interested in sponsoring please let me know. And if YOU'RE interested in helping me, let me know. I'd love to have to you!

Obviously I am aware of the fact that this will take a ton of work and is probably very far-fetched. Who knows how far I'll get with this...but I really want to try. Our country's youth are so important, we have to do everything we can to give them a step up in the world. For starters, we need elected officials who are in office based on morality and not only because of fear tactics and connections. We need people who will vote for children and their best interests. Heres a little fact: Obama voted for children about 87% last year, Biden: 86%, McCain: less than 28%

This election is so important for children if nothing else.

Anyways, getting off my little soapbox... if you want to find out more about CDF and Freedom Schools, I've posted the link below.

http://www.childrensdefense.org/site/PageNavigator/Freedom_Schools

ESFJ

So I retook the Jung Typology test...and found out that I am: slightly expressed extrovert, slightly expressed sensing personality, distinctively expressed feeling personality, and moderately judging personality. I am the same as Jordan, so to see one explanation of our type you can read her page. But I liked this description: 

Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.

All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ESFJs, as do most SJs, bear strong allegiance to rights of seniority. They willingly provide service (which embodies life's meaning) and expect the same from others.

ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.   An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.

As caretakers, ESFJs sense danger all around--germs within, the elements without, unscrupulous malefactors, insidious character flaws. The world is a dangerous place, not to be trusted. Not that the ESFJ is paranoid; 'hyper-vigilant' would be more precise. And thus they serve excellently as protectors, outstanding in fields such as medical care and elementary education.

Famous ESFJs:

U.S. Presidents:

William McKinley

William J. Clinton 

Desi Arnaz ("Ricky Ricardo")
John Connally (former Governor of Texas)
Terry Bradshaw, NFL quarterback
Sally Struthers (All in the Family)
Mary Tyler Moore
Dixie Carter (Designing Women)
Steve Spurrier, Heismann trophy winner, Univ. of Fla. football coach
Sally Field
Danny Glover, actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2 Margaret Butt
Nancy Kerrigan (U.S. olympic figureskater)
Elvis Stojko (Canadian olympic figureskater)

Fictional ESFJs:

Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek)
Monica (Friends)
Donald Duck
Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh

Right Now...

I feel like everything I do is wrong. I have no right to think the way I do, or feel a certain way about a subject, or be vocal about how I feel...it's like, as soon as I try to stand up for myself it's viewed as taking advantage of or being mean to someone else. And that is so frustrating. I try to be the best person I can be. I might not be the smartest person you know, but I try to be intelligent and well-informed. I'm definitely not the prettiest or best-dressed. I'm sorry I don't have a very good attention span, but I do try. I don't have the same problems as you, but I have my own. And I draw from them to try and help you. Everybody is different. And although I absolutely love all my friends, please forgive me if sometimes I need my space; it's nothing personal. I am not a mean person, but sometimes I can be. Is it possible to become a bitch at the age of 19? I feel like thats what people are thinking of me right now. Sometimes I say things that make sense in my head but then when I say them- they sound so mean...or stupid. I am sensitive too, ok? I can't always handle negativity.

On a different note, while I was home this weekend, I found out that my dad was just diagnosed with Lime Disease. And while this may not be as serious as something like cancer...it really freaked me out. What would I do without my daddy? He is only 51...thats not that old, right? I'm not ready to start worrying about my parents health. I still need them. My dad still takes me to the doctor, and gets my car fixed. He puts money in my account when I need it and stands up for me when people criticize me. He makes my mom sane when she has a meltdown and takes care of our pets. He brings me presents when he goes out of town and takes me to get ice cream. He taught me how to drive, how to hike, how to appreciate things...But most of all, he loves me more than anyone else. And he takes care of me...thats all I need.

Evaluate.

I stole this from Trey.....

Do you have a good reputation?  Sometimes I wonder...
Have you ever cheated? Never had a boyfriend to cheat on.
Ever made someone cry and laughed?  Um, not that I'm aware of...

Are you confused right now? I feel like I'm always somewhat confused.
Who do you wanna spend the rest of your life with? Whoever I end up marrying...and the friends I have now. I don't want to lose them either.

Are you single? Yes.
Are you in love?  I'm not in love..but I love my friends and and family a whole lot.
How many assholes do you know?  Um, at this point I can't really think of any I know personally.
Favorite color? Green....and light yellow and teal. And I've really been liking purple lately.
Do you like being in a relationship? I don't know..I feel like I would.
Who pissed you off today? No one today.
When's the last time you cried? A week ago.
Are you upset? Not at this moment
Have you ever been depressed? Not the way some people have, but yes.
One question thats on your mind? Where will I live next year.
Last phone call? Trey.
Last text? Anjuli.
Person you're trying to ignore? No one.
Last death? My great-grandfather.

If you could kiss the last person you kissed, would you? Never been kissed.
Do you regret things? Yes.
Do you think anyone will read your answers? Possibly.

Who would you like to be with right now? Marina.
Who do you trust? Most people I'm close to.
Are you on the phone? No.
Who would you like to fall asleep to on the phone?  I wouldn't want to fall asleep while talking to anyone on the phone.
Do you forgive easily? Yes.
What's on your mind? Too much to say.
If you could apologize to anyone right now, who would it be? I'm not really sure.
Do you like cheese? Yes, but not excessive amounts.

Are you currently bored? Tired...and a little bored.
In the past five days, what would you go back and change? Nothing huge, I just wish I hadn't stayed at home last night.
Are you honest? I try my hardest to be.
Are you believable? I think...?
What are you listening to? "Live Your Life" By Rihanna
Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work? Never even heard of that until recently. So, no.
What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone? Who knows.
Ever been in a car wreck? Thank the lord, no.
Were you popular in high school? Yeah right. 
Have you ever been on a blind date? No.
Are looks important? Important but not everything.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more? Yes.
By what age would you like to be married? Around 25-28
Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them? Most definitely.
Have you ever made a mistake? Duh.
Are you a good tipper? Yes.
What's the most you have spent for a haircut? $35
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope...well maybe a little one on Mr. Boyd. 9th grade english.
Have you ever peed in public? Um, I think so.
What song do you want played at your funeral? "Amazing Grace" played by Bagpipes
Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Yes.
What would your last meal be before getting executed? Hm...Chicken Parm and pasta.
Beatles or Stones? Definitely the Beatles.
If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who? I don't believe in violence.
What are your plans for the future? Graduate, move to NY, have some type of job involving special needs kids, get married, have kids...the usual.
Do you walk around the house naked? Underwear, yes. Naked, no.
If you were an animal what would you be? A dog.
Would you rather be blind or deaf? Deaf.  
Do you have any special talents? Um, no special weird talents...but I can dance on a good day.
What do you do as soon as you walk in the house? Take off my shoes.

Do you like horror or comedy? Definitely comedy. I love to laugh and hate to be scared.
Are you missing anyone? Yeah...
If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do? Evangeline Lilly.
Where do you want to live when you are old? With people who love me.
Who is the person you can count on the most? My dad.
If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be? I really don't know....
What did you dream last night? I don't remember.
What is your favorite sport to watch? Soccer.
Are you named after anyone? Not my first name but my middle name is after my mom's old best friend.
Have you ever been in love? No.
Do you sing in the shower? Not usually, but I have.
What is your favorite Holiday? I love all holidays, but especially Halloween and Christmas.
Would you ever get plastic surgery? Only if I needed it because of an accident or something.
Have you ever caught a fish? Yep, with my daddy.

Friends and Hurricanes

I wanted to apologize, my last post was fairly depressing. Although, to whom I'm apologizing I'm not really sure. I guess anyone- for having to experience my dramatic unhappiness. But have no fear! This post will be much more cheerful.

I've found myself wanting to hug my friends every time I see them. Trey and I were having this conversation last night. I love my friends so much and I am so freaking lucky to have them. To have You. You're awesome. So now I've found myself being a little overzealous in my time with you. I'm all for the bonding time, hugging, talking, cooking, listening. It's all so awesome. We're so lucky to all be able to live together like this. Of course I am also loving and missing my friends from home, and those who don't live here, etc. But it's like, I don't want to miss any minute that I could spend with my friends, unless I'm taking a nap of course. But I even dislike leaving everyone to go to bed at night. I can already tell I'm going to go into withdrawal when I go home Winter break and then next summer...ick. I don't want to think about it.

Completely changing topics, Caitie gave me this link of pictures from Hurricane Ike and the damage it did in Texas. Its so horrible. how can something be so beautiful and so absolutely horrible at the same time. So many people have lost lives, friends and family, homes, pets. It just breaks my heart. They are all in my prayers. I wish people would wise up and realize that the increase in horrible storms is due to the increase in Global Warming. It makes me so furious when people say that global warming isn't true. How the heck can you say something like that just isn't true?!?! We're all going to die because some people don't want to stop driving their SUVs or start recycling. asdfghjkljhgfds. OK, that was a little bit dramatic, but it seriously makes me so angry.

I had a lot more to say on the topic of friends..and other things as well. But seeing as I started this blog 2 days ago and I still haven't finished, kind of takes away my concentration and flow.

Oh well, I'm so excited for tonight! Peace.

P.S.

I've posted below the link Caitie sent me, see for yourself the devastation...

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/the_short_but_eventful_life_of.html

Damien Rice.

So, today was kind of a horrible day. I won't go into details..it was just a bad day. Or...morning and night rather. The in between wasn't too bad. And I have Eva to thank for that.

I had a really rough morning, and absolutely no one was at school for me to go to. So I texted Eva and asked her to come back a little earlier because I needed her. Everyone needs a friend like Eva- the kind that will drop everything for you when you need them. 

So anyways, Eva came back to school and picked me up- she even had a silly present for me. What would a girl be without some chocolate, jelly beans, and diamond lipgloss? The bag and tissue paper were really awesome too. We drove around to find a place for me to get my haircut- which always makes me feel really great for some reason. And this was definitely an adventure. We ended up at a Great Clips where this lady with a gold tooth cut my hair crooked. It was awesome. Then we went to Barnes and Noble (which we decided is waayy better than Borders) and Eva bought me the first Twighlight book! She is determined that I will become as obsessed with them as she is so she'll have someone to share them with. We couldn't find the teen section but we didn't want to ask someone because that takes away all the fun of perusing a bookstore. We did finally succumb to asking though- we were looking on the opposite side of the store...

After that we found this awesome mexican restaurant that I can't remember the name of- but we are definitely taking everyone back to it. We decided it would be really fun with a group of people to sit on the patio. We talked about life and friends and everything...it was one of "those" conversations that you always remember. The kind where bonding happens and everything feels perfect.

After dinner we went back to the dorms, I took a lovely nap and then took a bath and listened to Damien Rice. Which is always amazing. But then I started getting kind of down again. luckily Morgan came home and we talked for a while which made me feel better. And then Trey finally came back which was good.

I've noticed that I feel really uncomfortable with girls I don't know. It doesn't bother me as much with guys. But I always feel like girls are instantly judging me in a new situation like a party. And I feel bad because then I probably give off a bad vibe- but I can't help it sometimes. I don't really know how to act, I didn't ever do that type of thing in high school. And now I feel like I'm permanently defective in that area. 

I want to cry. Again. And I don't really have a reason anymore, I just feel like nothing is going right. Everything is wrong.

Or maybe it's just because I'm listening to Damien Rice again and I never got to talk to Trey which always makes me feel better. Who knows. I'm acting like such a drama queen. I'm done.

Those are most of my thoughts for tonight. I'm going to go start my book now! I love new books, they're so great. And hopefully i'll fall asleep soon since I have to get up at 7:30am. Ick.

10 things.

So, I am completely taking Eva's idea of  "My 10 Favorite Things of the Week". But I just felt it was necessary.

10. Deans French Onion Dip. Jordan recently turned me on to eating this dip with blue corn chips and it is DELICIOUS.

9. Television. I don't watch a lot of TV, but when you think about it the television is an amazing invention. How else would billions of people be able to tune into something like the Republican National Convention last night...

8. Speaking of the RNC, I love that we live in a nation where the Republican presidential candidate can choose a female governor from Alaska who was elected because she has experience as a PTA and hockey mom. Oh yes. That is experience right there.

7. Google. Its amazing. How else would we be able to find so much information and things like Trey's new profile picture.

6. Public Parks. I love going to parks and hanging out with friends. I also love watching all the different types of people that walk by...and taking naps.

5. My mac computer. Of course this is always a favorite, but I am especially happy with mine right now given that I'm writing this blog while in class...

4. Chacos. Every time I walk around campus I find myself looking for those exceptional people wearing Chacos. Many times I can look at a person and know immediately that he or she is wearing them. Chaco wearing people are just plain cool.

3. Obama. I love him so much. He always stays above criticizing his opponents and always responds with a smile when criticisms are directed at him

2. Sleepovers. They just make me so happy! There is something about snuggling up with your best friends that just completely warms your heart.

1. GA State University. I just love it so much! Except for when they do stupid things like putting stupid holds on my account...but overall I love this school!

=D

So, I've been here at State for a week and a half now...and I still absolutely love it! I'm a little concerned about my Modern Judaism and Intro to Religion classes but I'm hoping they'll get better. All my other classes are awesome. I'm taking two Education classes for my major, 2 religion classes, and World History since 1500 with the most amazing teach ever. I love going to that class, Gainty is just so enthusiastic about everything he talks about and his enthusiasm is so contagious. I always look forward to that class.

Outside of academics I'm having so much fun! I am sitting at my desk right now, looking out at the city and I love it. I just got done making pancakes with my amazing roommate Jordan. She decided to skip her 8am Art class this morning. So around 10:45 she came into my room and got in bed with me so we could talk for a while. Then we made deliciouussss pancakes and meat-free sausage. I love living here! I love that we have this amazing view of the city, I love having 3 awesome roommates, I love having Trey around the corner, I love having Eva a few floors down. I love that so many of our friends are in this one building with us! I love how we all make meals together, walk to class together, meet for lunch in between classes, watch movies on school nights...I love that we're such a community here. And I love being so close to home so that friends can visit and it's not a big deal to go home. Alli came to visit Sunday night and it was so good to see her! And my parents are coming for lunch tomorrow before my Dad leaves for a week. The only thing I could complain about is that I hate going home for work and that I'm supposed to be going to this Seminar every Thursday. I feel like now that I'm here I never want to leave. I really need to find a job here in Atl so I don't have to be going home every weekend and missing out on everything.

 

Anyways, I'm just so lucky how everything turned out here. My parents are finally happy for me and love that I'm here at State, and everything is just so great! I can't believe I was ever so nervous, I should have just had faith. But then I wouldn't have been being Marissa. I'm a natural-born worrier. But I think I'm getting to the point where I can put some of that aside and just let things happen. I often think too much about things, which makes it worse. 

We had Eva's dance birthday party last weekend and it was perfect! We all had so much fun and she was really happy with everything. Trey made Eva an awesome party mix that we listened to, we had delicious cake that Eva's friend Beth made her, and we danced. A lot. I love dancing. And Eva makes it so much fun when she starts doing all of her 'bad dance moves' or whatever they're called, that she and Marina made up. They're hilarious! But I did really miss Marina and wish she was there. She would have had so much fun! But we definitely danced in her name. It was so great to hang out with Eva's friends and our mutual friends. I love it when friends are conjoined and it works out. It's so much fun! And it makes everything easier. It also made me happy that Nick got to come...hopefully he'll be back again soon! Overall, the party was definitely a success...especially since we had a yummy breakfast the next morning courtesy of Alex :)

 

I'm rushing next weekend! And I'm really excited. I've really missed having that type of a community from dance. It's different than the kind I have here with my friends in the Commons. And I'm really excited to try something new. But I'm also nervous (oops), because some things some people have said to me have kind of hit home. And I don't want to change into someone my friends don't like. Which I would never think I would. I mean, I'm 19. And I don't picture me changing completely because I associate myself with a certain group of people. I don't want people to judge me or treat me differently because of who I'm friends with. But I also don't want to go through rush and then feel sucked into something I've decided isn't really right for me. I guess I just need to let it go...I've already signed up- so I know I'm definitely going to rush. And whatever happens after that...I'll just leave it up to God. :)

Everything Ends.

You know when you're in a bad mood? And you know you're not being very nice to people, like your mom, but you still find yourself being short and snappy with them? And then you come in contact with someone else. So you think- well i'll be nice to this person...and then they're grouchy too? It just ruins everything and puts you in an even worse mood. I hate how everything is so effected by everything else...even though it shouldn't be, really. I know I create my own reality, whatever. I don't really care right now. 

     Y.O.U. is coming to an end for me, and it was such a strong support system for me over the past 2 years. It came in to my life when I needed it most. And it makes me so sad to think that maybe I'm outgrowing it a little bit...or maybe I'm just letting myself be too cranky. Who knows. I'm in one of those moods again. It's still sad for me to think that its the end of an era. Where I went to youth group every Sunday. It was the highlight of my week...and it's just not anymore. I'm sad to leave the people behind and what it used to be. But not sad to leave what it's become. This has really been bothering me for a while- so I think I should write about it. Ever since Lenore left I really felt like everything in our youth group went way down hill. I mean, yea we've grown tremendously, and we've become more active in the church. But I just really felt like a lot of the heart was gone. Part of that feeling probably had a large thing to do with the way she left. I have a really head time with situations when people are treated unfairly. And I was absolutely furious with our Minister for how this situation was handled. I just wish she could understand the magnitude of what she did. I know we have Richard now, and he is amaazzinng. He's done so much for us already...but I just can't connect with him the way I could with Lenore. Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter for me now since I've graduated and everything. It just makes me so sad that there are only a few people left in YOU who even know who Lenore is and what she accomplished at Unity North. I guess I should just focus on the positive side for her and accept that it's happened and over.

Wow. This has definitely been a bit of a cranky post. I apologize. I think I'm just really ready to be at school already. But at the same time, I don't want the responsibilities that come along with it. Like, for example: I have to wake up at 5:45am so I can go to freaking Incept/Orientation. By myself. I hate doing things by myself I've noticed. And I've really taken for granted the fact that I almost always have Trey to do things with. I mean, the kid even came job hunting with me because I didn't want to go alone...

I also have to figure out how to get my transcript from App to State so they will have all my classes and everything will be in order. And I have to figure out how to get to and from work once I start school. And I have to pack. Before 7am Thursday morning. And figure out what I need to bring for the dorm to contribute. And make sure I'm in the right classes. OK, now I'm stressing myself out. This has become quite the rant. I'm done now. Good night.

Change?

So here I am..once again; desperately needing sleep but not tired enough to even try yet. Today was another really good day. Eva and I went to see "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and it was sooo good! I recommend it to anyone. I definitely want to buy it when it comes out on DVD. So good! Anyways, then Eva and I went to figure out my hours at work, and then to visit Trey at Apple. Then we we went and bought food for din and hair dye. We made delicious pasta with greek feta salad dressing, artichokes, olives, mozzarella and tomatoes. It was so delicious! Then Eva helped me dye my hair! I'd been wanting to make a change for a while. I just get so bored with things sometimes... Which is weird. Because I generally HATE change. With a passion. But there are some things that I just get so bored with that I have to change them. This got my thinking...I'm really weird. I absolutely can't wait to move in at State, start school, and get away from home. But at the same time, I don't want anything to change. I've gotten so accustomed to having my parents around to help me with things, being able to hang out with all my friends from home, and lounge by the pool whenever I wanted. It's also such a weird feeling for me to think that I'm going BACK  to college. And yet, I'm completely starting over. Of course I am super super lucky that I already have TWO of my best friends at State, and I love my roommate...but I can't help but think about how much I really am going to miss going back to App and living with Jessie in the L. Not to mention the fact that I know my relationships with Trey and Eva won't be anything like what I'm used to at home. They have their own friends who expect them to be with them all of the time and to act a certain way...etc. This makes me so nervous. I don't want things to change between any of us, I don't want to have to adjust. I know it's the mature thing to do. But maybe I'm just not ready to do that yet.

I guess I just have accept and give gratitude for the fact that I have amazing friends who will always love me no matter what. And that whatever happens at school, that will never change.

Thanks

Today was good. I'm not really sure why, it just was. It was one of those lazy summer days spent at the pool, watching movies, eating ice cream and having great conversations with great friends. I love it when life surprises you. When God answers your prayers. Just 2 posts ago I was complaining about how nothing felt right and how this summer was so weird. And now thats already going away. I think it's because I addressed it and prayed. I mean, I am aware that summer is pretty much over...but If I can just have a few more days like today then I'll be happy. Plus, things are looking up with me and my mom, which is great. I was kinda nervous about how tonight would turn out given our plans with someone, but I ended up having a really great time. Which made me feel a lot better about some things. Of course then I had to go and leave my freaking phone in Trey's car...and now I have to figure out how to get it back. But whatever. I definitely learned something tonight. I was skeptical about hanging out with someone because I didn't think she liked me or accepted me for who I am. So I wasn't giving her the benefit of the doubt. But once we got there I decided to put that aside. I never had a problem with her until I found out she had one with me. So why would I create more of a problem? I decided to just let it play out and let whatever happen, happen. And now I'm really glad I did. I now have a newfound respect for this girl and I think things will be better in the future. Another thing I learned tonight, run to the rescue when you think your cat is being attacked outside your window. Jeez! That was so scary, I love my cat! She's ok...just a little bit of missing fur. Thank you God.

"2 Memes"

I stole these from Trey...because I'm really bored and really not tired... 

Meme #1.

1.What were you doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago, I'm sure I was sleeping. Anxiously awaiting the morning so I could go to High Meadows camp. THE coolest camp ever. After camp I'd come home and go to the pool with Hattie. Sometimes our parents would come too. Those were the best times...we'd all go out to dinner after. And if we didn't have camp the next morning, Hattie and I would get to have a sleepover. We'd either sleep together in her sister's old room, or she would sleep in her "bed in the wall" and I'd sleep in the little trundle they'd pull from her parents room. We always snuck downstairs for midnight snacks- they always had the best snacks. Although, we often resorted to just eating chocolate chips out of the jar...

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list today?

1. Find out if I'm eligible for the Hope scholarship.

2. Clean my room.

3. Send my Grandad the letter my mom forced me to write him.

4. Find out if I can take my parents to visit at State this week.

5. Have fun with Trey and Taylor while not spending money.

And yes- all of those things (except the last one) are actually on my to-do list, and WILL be crossed off once completed.

3. Snacks I enjoy:

Salt and vinegar chips, rice cakes with peanut butter, cheese and crackers, apples with peanut butter, and ice cream.

4. Places I've lived:

Atlanta, Ga: 2 years

Duluth, Ga: 4 years

Roswell, Ga: 4 years

Asheville, NC: 8 months

Roswell, Ga: 7 more years

Boone, NC: 9 months

5. Things I would do if I were a billionaire.

First, I would pay off any debt my parents still have. Then I would buy my parents and I each our own car that actually works. Hybrids would be preferred. I'd buy my parents the second home in the mountains they've always wanted. I'd give my church/ youth group some money so they wouldn't have to hold so many fundraisers. I'd buy Trey his BMW and Nick his hybrid. I'd also buy Anji and Lenore a hybrid too. I'd put away enough money so that any future kids of mine would be set to go to any college they wanted. I'd take me, my family and my best friends on a trip around the world...stopping wherever we wanted. I'd give as many animal shelters as I could enough money so that they could keep animals alive until they were adopted or died of old age. I'd give Anji the money to go to college wherever she wanted, and Trey the money to start his own photography studio. And I'd probably buy myself a nice house for the future....although I'm probably all out of money at this point.

Meme #2.

6 unimportant facts about me.

1. I love looking through Wedding magazines when I go to Barnes and Noble.

2. If I chew 3 Goldfish crackers on the right side of my mouth I have to chew 3 Goldfish crackers on the left side of my mouth.

3. My computer's HD was named "I'm Delicious" by Trey.

4. My favorite color changes from day to day between 3 or 4 main colors.

5. I'll go to a different floor or room in a house to avoid someone hearing me use the restroom.

6. The one thing I want more than almost anything is to have siblings.