And I'm feelin... goood. De nah, de nah...

So even though I feel like I have a shitload going on, and a lot I still need to confront...I'm feeling really good.
This is the first time in years that I have felt relatively confident in a math class (88 on my first test, hell yeah!)
I have a knot in my left calf that hinders my walking, but I'm lucky that it happened when I have no dance commitments.
I'm probably failing Psych because of that stupid midterm, but I did well on my Educ midterm so right now I'm happy.
After this history class I have to write a paper, but it has no page requirement and is on the dancer of my choice, then I have a math quiz online that I have until the Tuesday after SB to complete.
I have a good work schedule this weekend and am then off to the lake with 2 of my best friends! I'm excited to be able to relax and see an old friend from middle school while we're there.
After that, we're off to see Stephanie in Florida and I'm super psyched for that! I haven't seen her in soo long. And I love getting to see where my friends live their life while they're at school. Isn't it a weird thought that so many of our friends have this whole other life, that we don't know much at all about because we've never been there?
I am excited to finally be able to go to Savannah for St. Patty's Day with friends and that my old roommate Meredith might be coming to see me for a few days.
Anndd stoked about going to Athens with Alli for the P7 concert and getting to see Matt and stay with Hattie!
Even though I've been super stressed about having to work so much, and because we are apparently moving before my family falls into bankruptcy...I am thankful that I have a job at this point and that I can use it so that my parents don't really have to worry about me and money.
I painted my toenails purple...loovvee it. I love purple. It makes me happy, and did you know it is supposed to be a very spiritual color?
I finally think I have somewhat of a plan for this summer, and that takes some stress off and makes me happy..besides the fact that niinnee (yes NINE) of my closest friends will be out of town simultaneously for most of this summer. That makes me sad.
But anyways, the rest makes me happy.
I am so proud of Jade for getting into the BigStuf Camps intern program. It is such an amazing opportunity and a life changing experience.
I think it is awesome that the Pasq siblings are finally taking their month long road trip to California, that will also be life changing for them and I'm excited to hear all about it.
I'm proud of Alex for finally getting his U.S. citezenship and that he, Eva, Marina, and Nate will all be spending a month in Italy this summer in an awesome film study abroad program.
So even though most of my friends will be leaving me this summer, I am excited for them and the adventures they will be taking on.
And I'm thankful for the friends who will be here with me through the summer: Jordan, Matt, Caitie, Amanda, Taylor, Gabby and a few of my Roswell friends.
Anyways, even though I have a hell of a lot going on in my life right now....sometimes it helps to stop and look at the silver lining of thing of things to help you put it all in perspective :)
Love.

God Is.

"True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness." -Albert Einstein

I miss church. I have for a while but I really realized it this past weekend. My Russian manager Tamara randomly asked if I go to church, where I go and what I believe. This got me thinking...

Not to sound too cliche, but church is where I have always found myself when I start to feel lost. I had a phase in middle school and high school when I decided to go to church as often as possible with or without my parents. In both instances I found myself happier. Recently however I have found that it is nearly impossible for me to attend church. I have to plan way in advance and figure out how I am getting there, how I am getting back to Atl etc. I have begun cutting out religion so that I can work more and have more time with my friends. But that is the wrong way to go about it. I need God in my life to feel complete. And of course I don't have to attend church to know that God is always there, but sometimes I need the reassurance of all those people feeling the same love in one place, hearing the lesson, and reminding myself of why I am who I am.

Anyways, in the spirit of Trey and the tattoo he wants..and how I am feeling right now. Here are some things "God Is" to me:

All loving

Beautiful

Accepting

Amazing

Everywhere

Light

Giving

Great

Peace

Art

Dance

Music

Prayer

"God is Spirit, the loving source of all that is. God is the one power, all good, everywhere present, all wisdom. God is divine energy, continually creating, expressing,, and sustaining all creation. In God, we live and move and have our being."

He is everything and everyone I love.

He is within you and me.

D= 3.40 + 0.11n

This is the equation my math teacher is working through on the board.

And I don't understand any of it. I've been trying to keep up with what she has been saying, but I just don't get it. I don't have the brain for math, I never have. And it is so frustrating! I feel like their are so many concepts that I should be able to pull from a base knowledge of math learned 10 years ago....but I got nothin. It feels as though every time I take a math class I have to re-learn everything, get a tutor, etc. I'm not proud of this, I hate having to ask for help. It makes me feel so inferior to my fellow classmates. And everyone says "Math Modeling" is sooo easy! Well not for me. It makes no sense to me. It probably would have been much easier if I had started this class right after I finished math in HS. But I did't. It's been almost two years since I took a math class...and now I'm paying the price. Not to mention the fact that I also have to take at least four more upper level math classes. Kill me.

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about my future recently. Maybe it was spurred by Jade's latest post, or maybe it started because of something my mom said this weekend, who knows.
Of course, right now my plan is to get get a degree and be dually-certified in Early Childhood Education and Special Education. But I am also still thinking about going to Graduate school for Dance Therapy or maybe even just Dance... But then there is also the question of how would I pay for that education? I am soo fortunate to have most of my Undergraduate education taken care of by my grandfather, but I doubt I'll have any money left over for Grad school. Especially since I want to move to NYC and live with Eva and Trey and go to school there...NYC isn't ecatly the cheapest place to live. But thinking about all of this and the problem of money has made me realize how much I really do want to move to NYC and go to Grad school. I just have a feeling that it's something I need to do for myself and my life. And I just have a hard time imagining myself being completely ready to start working starting in the Spring of 2012. Not gonna lie, I want to be those cool kids in their 20s living in NYC, working, going to school, living with friends, having weekly pie dates with Trey and Starbucks trips with Eva ;) I want those experiences in my life. However cheesy it may sound, I want them.

I made about $150 this weekend. After working a total of 4 shifts and about 21 hours...which may seem ok until you realize that I only made about $7 an hour and my Sunday shift I worked 5 hours and made $18. But more importantly, I missed out on a lot of memories with friends. I am so sick of going home to work every weekend. I miss my friends at school, I miss out on the things they do, I don't actually spend much time with my parents, and I have no time to see friends from home. Not to mention trying to study or get any homework done. I feel as though my life consists of school during the week and work on the weekend. I have no break. And I feel so lost in all of my classes, I'm hanging on to everything by a thread. But I have to work. My parents can't afford to pay for anything but groceries. I have to save up for Spring Break, I need a car so I can have a job here in ATL, and apparently I need to also start saving so I can pay for wherever I live next year unless I can work something out with my parents. But even if I can figure out how to get a car, I have to then add parking, insurance, and gas to my budget. Ahh I want to scream! I know the bad economy isn't my parents fault...but I can't help but be a little agnry with them for not planning anything for the future, not knowing how to save etc.

Anyways, to anyone that I may have or will be short with or seem annoyed etc....I haven't been feeling well. Sickly, period time and all of this ^ so although it's not an excuse by any means, just please understand it's not personal if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time :/

Love to everyone, M.

My thanks, from A-Z.

So it's been simply ages since I've written. And I'm not sure why. I've wanted to write, and I've had things to write about. But I just haven't actually gotten to the point where I reaallyy want to put the two things together. So I have decided that instead I will just name a few simple pleasures that I am thankful for. These should give you an idea of some of the things that have been happening in my life for the past 1-2 months.

From A-Z, some things I am thankful for, love and appreciate.

A) It gives me intense joy when people call me by a nickname. M, Mar, Missa, Maritz, Maris, Kiddo etc. They all make me feel so loved.

B) Group sleepovers are probably the greatest thing invented. There is nothing better than piling into a bed and talking and sleeping with some of your closest friends.

C) Taking a hot shower with the door open and your music blaring.

D) Being able to exercise/ walk to class with an iPod without having to hold it/ put it in a pocket [thanks to Trey and Nick :)]

E) Having someone tell you you're beautiful (parents and family do not count, they're required to think that)

F) Snuggling up with friends and a hot cup of tea or coffee when it's freezing outside.

G) Realizing that God has once again worked in mysterious ways to teach you a good lesson.

H) Feeling confident about your future and the people whom you know will be there with you the whole way.

I) Having friends in your classes.

J) Having excess Mac laptop chargers at your house when yours melts.

K) Having friends who will dye their hair pink with you on a whim, New Years Eve.

L) Having a job at this point in the economy.

M) Having the opportunity to possibly study abroad with 3 friends in Italy for a month.

N) Having friends with houses close by that I can visit when the Commons start to annoy me.

O) Being able to go back to RCD and dance with other graduates in Winter Concert. So awesome.

P) Finding new, awesome music is really great.

Q) Going to openmike nights with friends and loving the good and bad.

R) Having a good time when family comes to visit.

S) I love when people tell me they love me. No matter how often they say it.

T) Hugs are awesome little gifts everytime I receive one.

U) Knowing that even though you may not have plans now, you will be spending the evening with some assortment of the people you love most.

V) Having a dad that will drive from his job at the Fox and drive to a dance studio to bring you the extra charger for your computer.

W) Having a group of friends that will meet your for lunch between classes.

X) Having an awesome academic advisor in your major.

Y) Getting a new phone when you've had the same crappy one for 3 years is a great feeling.

Z) Having awesome, amazing, uncomparable friends that I get to spend everyday with is the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Thankful For You And The Memories.

I'm sitting here in my room, waiting for my parents to finish getting ready so that we can go to North Carolina for Thanksgiving break. Originally I was going to drive up separately and then come home on Friday so that I could work and see my friends who are home for the holidays. But then yesterday my mom said that she decided I would be staying the whole time and had no say in the matter. Anybody else hate being treated like a 12 year old? I was so angry that I had to drop the subject. But after talking it over some more with Eva, I have decided that I need to bring it up again and explain to my mom why the way she is treating me is not working. So, I told my dad that I want to talk to them before we leave, and I am waiting until they are ready to talk. I realized that I am afraid of talking to my mother. I am so used to her not listening and making me cry that I dread whenever I have to confront her about something. This makes me really sad, a healthy mother/daughter relationship should not be like that. I was excite about spending a couple days in the mountains with my parents...until my mom decided to force me to stay. Now I don't want to go at all. I have a real problem with being forced into things and not receiving respect. That is one of my biggest issues. Please don't lie to me, I don't like being treated like a moron. Just give me the respect of telling the truth...that comes with trust.

Anyways, I am not looking forward to this holiday. I usually love Thanksgiving, but this year I find myself dreading the day and planning ways to avoid my parents the whole time we're there. If only I had sibling to spend my time with...sigh.

However, I do believe in the meaning of Thanksgiving, and for that reason I decided to make a list of all that I am grateful for...in no particular order.

I am thankful for:
-My parents, they are amazing no matter how frustrated they make me sometimes. I know I am so lucky to have them.
-My animals: Gracie, Lucy, Banks, Barrington, and Clemi. They are awesome and they closest thing I have to siblings in this house.
-The fact that I have a job at this time when the economy is weak. I may not like it but at least I have something.
-My house, it's pretty awesome. And I am lucky to have a roof over my head.
-Pearl...she's done a lot for me and I love her in all her crackleiness.
-My mac, I know that's silly, but I just love it so much!
-School, I am sooo thankful that I love Ga State!
-Dance, I am so lucky that I have dance as an outlet.
-The Pasquariellos, they've been a second family to me the last couple years and I love them all so much. Trey, Knows me so, so well, I can always count on him to be there for me. Nick and Dev, Best "siblings" ever.
-Jordan, I am so lucky to have such an amazing roommate who knows me so well and has become one of my very best friends in such a short time.
Eva and Alex, so great in their own ways. Eva is so intense but can always lift the mood. She always knows what to do to cheer me up and I am so thankful for that. Everyone needs a friend like Eva. Alex, is just so silly. I love him for all of his quirkyness but how deep he is also.
Marina, my sister since birth. I wish she was here, I miss her so much. She knows me inside and out, and even though we've had our moments I know she will never leave me.
Matt, always knows when to put me in my place but always there with a helping hand or a listening ear.
-Caitie, so smart and willing to help. I know I can always go to her for anything. I envy her determination and beliefs.
-Jade, I have so much respect for the type of person she strives to be everyday. She is so confident in her values and beliefs and is one of those people who is just an awesome friend to have.

Of course there are many other people for whom I am thankful, but I thought I would start with people who will read this blog and who I would have included anyways.

This all sounds so cliche, but I just felt as though it was a good time to tell you all how much you mean to me and how much I miss you guys.


Annddd, while I was finishing up- my dad came in to tell me that my mom decided I could choose if I will stay this weekend or not...so I am thanksful for that too :)
Anyone of you feel free to call me this week! I'm sure I will be dying for some outside contact...
Love to you all, and happy Thanksgiving!

P.S.
I'm excited now!

Joe the plumber, meet Barack the president.

After spending so much time in classrooms last week, I've decided that when I grow up and have kids....and if I have two boys...then I want to name the first one Nathan, after my great grandfather, and the second one Parker...or Aidan. I'm not sure about girl names though...because frankly...I don't really like girl names. But I do like Madelyn and Connor. I can assure you however, that I will not name any of my children Mer Sadie, Jean, Cookie or Versacci. Oh, and I will never name my child George. I don't want his 5th grade class to always sing the George of the Jungle song when he is called on.
Something else I realized by visiting Roswell North, is that I want to persue sever disabilities special education, rather than just learning and behavioral disabilities. I like working with Autistic students especially. I'm excited for that, but also nervous. I want to be the absolutely best teacher I can be and I don't want to mess it up. Something else that is making me nervous, is that I keep hearing that special ed teachers usually burn out within 5 years. What if that happens to me? I will have gone through all of that school and trainging to end up doing something that includes so much paperwork that I end up hating the profession I used to be so passionate about. Gaahhh, anyways. Whatever happens, happens. And for now, I am excited about the direction I am heading in. I had an awesome time last weekend visiting App State. It was soo great to see all of my friends at App again. I've missed them all so much! I'm so glad we got to go to and App football game and Molly and Jessie's dance recital. And of course, I am very, very thankful to Trey and Jordan for coming with me, ya'll are amazing :)
Speaking of friends, I have the best in the world. I am so thankful for all of you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you. I hate leaving school now because I miss everyone so much and I'm afraid I'll miss so much. So, thanks guys. I love you all.
Last week Jordan and I took a hip-hop class together and I had soo much fun! t had been about a year and a half since I'd taken a hip-hop class and it was a much needed break from everyday life. I'm so excited to go back and take more classes! I'm also thinking about trying to find like an adult dance company or something. I really need dance in my life again, I miss it so much! Let me know if you hear of anything :)
Tuesday night might have been the proudest moment in my life. I can not believe that we, as a country, actually elected Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States. I witnessed this historic even twith some of my best friends and my parents. I love Obama and his family and I have so much respect for them. I know it will be a long time before he can accomplish much, but I am so excited! I really respect all of the people who voted for John McCain, but are now in support of Obama because he is the president-elect. We don't need more division in this country and I think ya'll are awesome for being so supportive. On the other hand, it really scares me what I've heard about white supremacists, etc. I do not want to live to see a president of the United States be assinated. I have the Obama family in my prayers and I hope to God they all stay safe. I am still in awe by the fact that I got to see the next president speak in person, the night before his election. I will always have that amazing memory. It was completely worth missing school for, even if I am still completely deprived of sleep and had the busiest week after. Obama is the most amazing speaker and I could have listened to him talk in the rain for hours. And we were sooo close! It's amazing how lucky we were.
I am soo excited to go back to hip-hop tomorrow and for the Twilight movie next week! Yay for friends and movies and books about vampire love stories! Anndd midnight showings! Woo!

13 things...

because I'm bored...

13. I'm excited for lunch, Tinsel Town baby.

12. I really want to travel to somewhere fun, with friends. Somewhere like Puerto Rico would be nice...

11. Having the whole dorm to yourself so you can shower with the door open and blast your music is a rare gift.

10. A sad song can darken my mood immediately; but Cartel can lift my mood instantly.

9. A brisk walk in the cold is very nice.

8. Apples and peanut butter are delicious.

7. Having something to look forward to is always great...App State!

6. Finishing huge assignments and fixing disagreements takes a load off your mind.

5. Spontaneity is always fun, even when the movie sucks...

4. I love having a project to work on

3. Fall weather is amazing and it makes me happy.

2. Tradition is awesome.

1. I have amazing friends.