D= 3.40 + 0.11n

This is the equation my math teacher is working through on the board.

And I don't understand any of it. I've been trying to keep up with what she has been saying, but I just don't get it. I don't have the brain for math, I never have. And it is so frustrating! I feel like their are so many concepts that I should be able to pull from a base knowledge of math learned 10 years ago....but I got nothin. It feels as though every time I take a math class I have to re-learn everything, get a tutor, etc. I'm not proud of this, I hate having to ask for help. It makes me feel so inferior to my fellow classmates. And everyone says "Math Modeling" is sooo easy! Well not for me. It makes no sense to me. It probably would have been much easier if I had started this class right after I finished math in HS. But I did't. It's been almost two years since I took a math class...and now I'm paying the price. Not to mention the fact that I also have to take at least four more upper level math classes. Kill me.

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about my future recently. Maybe it was spurred by Jade's latest post, or maybe it started because of something my mom said this weekend, who knows.
Of course, right now my plan is to get get a degree and be dually-certified in Early Childhood Education and Special Education. But I am also still thinking about going to Graduate school for Dance Therapy or maybe even just Dance... But then there is also the question of how would I pay for that education? I am soo fortunate to have most of my Undergraduate education taken care of by my grandfather, but I doubt I'll have any money left over for Grad school. Especially since I want to move to NYC and live with Eva and Trey and go to school there...NYC isn't ecatly the cheapest place to live. But thinking about all of this and the problem of money has made me realize how much I really do want to move to NYC and go to Grad school. I just have a feeling that it's something I need to do for myself and my life. And I just have a hard time imagining myself being completely ready to start working starting in the Spring of 2012. Not gonna lie, I want to be those cool kids in their 20s living in NYC, working, going to school, living with friends, having weekly pie dates with Trey and Starbucks trips with Eva ;) I want those experiences in my life. However cheesy it may sound, I want them.

I made about $150 this weekend. After working a total of 4 shifts and about 21 hours...which may seem ok until you realize that I only made about $7 an hour and my Sunday shift I worked 5 hours and made $18. But more importantly, I missed out on a lot of memories with friends. I am so sick of going home to work every weekend. I miss my friends at school, I miss out on the things they do, I don't actually spend much time with my parents, and I have no time to see friends from home. Not to mention trying to study or get any homework done. I feel as though my life consists of school during the week and work on the weekend. I have no break. And I feel so lost in all of my classes, I'm hanging on to everything by a thread. But I have to work. My parents can't afford to pay for anything but groceries. I have to save up for Spring Break, I need a car so I can have a job here in ATL, and apparently I need to also start saving so I can pay for wherever I live next year unless I can work something out with my parents. But even if I can figure out how to get a car, I have to then add parking, insurance, and gas to my budget. Ahh I want to scream! I know the bad economy isn't my parents fault...but I can't help but be a little agnry with them for not planning anything for the future, not knowing how to save etc.

Anyways, to anyone that I may have or will be short with or seem annoyed etc....I haven't been feeling well. Sickly, period time and all of this ^ so although it's not an excuse by any means, just please understand it's not personal if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time :/

Love to everyone, M.