=D

So, I've been here at State for a week and a half now...and I still absolutely love it! I'm a little concerned about my Modern Judaism and Intro to Religion classes but I'm hoping they'll get better. All my other classes are awesome. I'm taking two Education classes for my major, 2 religion classes, and World History since 1500 with the most amazing teach ever. I love going to that class, Gainty is just so enthusiastic about everything he talks about and his enthusiasm is so contagious. I always look forward to that class.

Outside of academics I'm having so much fun! I am sitting at my desk right now, looking out at the city and I love it. I just got done making pancakes with my amazing roommate Jordan. She decided to skip her 8am Art class this morning. So around 10:45 she came into my room and got in bed with me so we could talk for a while. Then we made deliciouussss pancakes and meat-free sausage. I love living here! I love that we have this amazing view of the city, I love having 3 awesome roommates, I love having Trey around the corner, I love having Eva a few floors down. I love that so many of our friends are in this one building with us! I love how we all make meals together, walk to class together, meet for lunch in between classes, watch movies on school nights...I love that we're such a community here. And I love being so close to home so that friends can visit and it's not a big deal to go home. Alli came to visit Sunday night and it was so good to see her! And my parents are coming for lunch tomorrow before my Dad leaves for a week. The only thing I could complain about is that I hate going home for work and that I'm supposed to be going to this Seminar every Thursday. I feel like now that I'm here I never want to leave. I really need to find a job here in Atl so I don't have to be going home every weekend and missing out on everything.

 

Anyways, I'm just so lucky how everything turned out here. My parents are finally happy for me and love that I'm here at State, and everything is just so great! I can't believe I was ever so nervous, I should have just had faith. But then I wouldn't have been being Marissa. I'm a natural-born worrier. But I think I'm getting to the point where I can put some of that aside and just let things happen. I often think too much about things, which makes it worse. 

We had Eva's dance birthday party last weekend and it was perfect! We all had so much fun and she was really happy with everything. Trey made Eva an awesome party mix that we listened to, we had delicious cake that Eva's friend Beth made her, and we danced. A lot. I love dancing. And Eva makes it so much fun when she starts doing all of her 'bad dance moves' or whatever they're called, that she and Marina made up. They're hilarious! But I did really miss Marina and wish she was there. She would have had so much fun! But we definitely danced in her name. It was so great to hang out with Eva's friends and our mutual friends. I love it when friends are conjoined and it works out. It's so much fun! And it makes everything easier. It also made me happy that Nick got to come...hopefully he'll be back again soon! Overall, the party was definitely a success...especially since we had a yummy breakfast the next morning courtesy of Alex :)

 

I'm rushing next weekend! And I'm really excited. I've really missed having that type of a community from dance. It's different than the kind I have here with my friends in the Commons. And I'm really excited to try something new. But I'm also nervous (oops), because some things some people have said to me have kind of hit home. And I don't want to change into someone my friends don't like. Which I would never think I would. I mean, I'm 19. And I don't picture me changing completely because I associate myself with a certain group of people. I don't want people to judge me or treat me differently because of who I'm friends with. But I also don't want to go through rush and then feel sucked into something I've decided isn't really right for me. I guess I just need to let it go...I've already signed up- so I know I'm definitely going to rush. And whatever happens after that...I'll just leave it up to God. :)

Everything Ends.

You know when you're in a bad mood? And you know you're not being very nice to people, like your mom, but you still find yourself being short and snappy with them? And then you come in contact with someone else. So you think- well i'll be nice to this person...and then they're grouchy too? It just ruins everything and puts you in an even worse mood. I hate how everything is so effected by everything else...even though it shouldn't be, really. I know I create my own reality, whatever. I don't really care right now. 

     Y.O.U. is coming to an end for me, and it was such a strong support system for me over the past 2 years. It came in to my life when I needed it most. And it makes me so sad to think that maybe I'm outgrowing it a little bit...or maybe I'm just letting myself be too cranky. Who knows. I'm in one of those moods again. It's still sad for me to think that its the end of an era. Where I went to youth group every Sunday. It was the highlight of my week...and it's just not anymore. I'm sad to leave the people behind and what it used to be. But not sad to leave what it's become. This has really been bothering me for a while- so I think I should write about it. Ever since Lenore left I really felt like everything in our youth group went way down hill. I mean, yea we've grown tremendously, and we've become more active in the church. But I just really felt like a lot of the heart was gone. Part of that feeling probably had a large thing to do with the way she left. I have a really head time with situations when people are treated unfairly. And I was absolutely furious with our Minister for how this situation was handled. I just wish she could understand the magnitude of what she did. I know we have Richard now, and he is amaazzinng. He's done so much for us already...but I just can't connect with him the way I could with Lenore. Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter for me now since I've graduated and everything. It just makes me so sad that there are only a few people left in YOU who even know who Lenore is and what she accomplished at Unity North. I guess I should just focus on the positive side for her and accept that it's happened and over.

Wow. This has definitely been a bit of a cranky post. I apologize. I think I'm just really ready to be at school already. But at the same time, I don't want the responsibilities that come along with it. Like, for example: I have to wake up at 5:45am so I can go to freaking Incept/Orientation. By myself. I hate doing things by myself I've noticed. And I've really taken for granted the fact that I almost always have Trey to do things with. I mean, the kid even came job hunting with me because I didn't want to go alone...

I also have to figure out how to get my transcript from App to State so they will have all my classes and everything will be in order. And I have to figure out how to get to and from work once I start school. And I have to pack. Before 7am Thursday morning. And figure out what I need to bring for the dorm to contribute. And make sure I'm in the right classes. OK, now I'm stressing myself out. This has become quite the rant. I'm done now. Good night.

Change?

So here I am..once again; desperately needing sleep but not tired enough to even try yet. Today was another really good day. Eva and I went to see "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and it was sooo good! I recommend it to anyone. I definitely want to buy it when it comes out on DVD. So good! Anyways, then Eva and I went to figure out my hours at work, and then to visit Trey at Apple. Then we we went and bought food for din and hair dye. We made delicious pasta with greek feta salad dressing, artichokes, olives, mozzarella and tomatoes. It was so delicious! Then Eva helped me dye my hair! I'd been wanting to make a change for a while. I just get so bored with things sometimes... Which is weird. Because I generally HATE change. With a passion. But there are some things that I just get so bored with that I have to change them. This got my thinking...I'm really weird. I absolutely can't wait to move in at State, start school, and get away from home. But at the same time, I don't want anything to change. I've gotten so accustomed to having my parents around to help me with things, being able to hang out with all my friends from home, and lounge by the pool whenever I wanted. It's also such a weird feeling for me to think that I'm going BACK  to college. And yet, I'm completely starting over. Of course I am super super lucky that I already have TWO of my best friends at State, and I love my roommate...but I can't help but think about how much I really am going to miss going back to App and living with Jessie in the L. Not to mention the fact that I know my relationships with Trey and Eva won't be anything like what I'm used to at home. They have their own friends who expect them to be with them all of the time and to act a certain way...etc. This makes me so nervous. I don't want things to change between any of us, I don't want to have to adjust. I know it's the mature thing to do. But maybe I'm just not ready to do that yet.

I guess I just have accept and give gratitude for the fact that I have amazing friends who will always love me no matter what. And that whatever happens at school, that will never change.

Thanks

Today was good. I'm not really sure why, it just was. It was one of those lazy summer days spent at the pool, watching movies, eating ice cream and having great conversations with great friends. I love it when life surprises you. When God answers your prayers. Just 2 posts ago I was complaining about how nothing felt right and how this summer was so weird. And now thats already going away. I think it's because I addressed it and prayed. I mean, I am aware that summer is pretty much over...but If I can just have a few more days like today then I'll be happy. Plus, things are looking up with me and my mom, which is great. I was kinda nervous about how tonight would turn out given our plans with someone, but I ended up having a really great time. Which made me feel a lot better about some things. Of course then I had to go and leave my freaking phone in Trey's car...and now I have to figure out how to get it back. But whatever. I definitely learned something tonight. I was skeptical about hanging out with someone because I didn't think she liked me or accepted me for who I am. So I wasn't giving her the benefit of the doubt. But once we got there I decided to put that aside. I never had a problem with her until I found out she had one with me. So why would I create more of a problem? I decided to just let it play out and let whatever happen, happen. And now I'm really glad I did. I now have a newfound respect for this girl and I think things will be better in the future. Another thing I learned tonight, run to the rescue when you think your cat is being attacked outside your window. Jeez! That was so scary, I love my cat! She's ok...just a little bit of missing fur. Thank you God.

"2 Memes"

I stole these from Trey...because I'm really bored and really not tired... 

Meme #1.

1.What were you doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago, I'm sure I was sleeping. Anxiously awaiting the morning so I could go to High Meadows camp. THE coolest camp ever. After camp I'd come home and go to the pool with Hattie. Sometimes our parents would come too. Those were the best times...we'd all go out to dinner after. And if we didn't have camp the next morning, Hattie and I would get to have a sleepover. We'd either sleep together in her sister's old room, or she would sleep in her "bed in the wall" and I'd sleep in the little trundle they'd pull from her parents room. We always snuck downstairs for midnight snacks- they always had the best snacks. Although, we often resorted to just eating chocolate chips out of the jar...

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list today?

1. Find out if I'm eligible for the Hope scholarship.

2. Clean my room.

3. Send my Grandad the letter my mom forced me to write him.

4. Find out if I can take my parents to visit at State this week.

5. Have fun with Trey and Taylor while not spending money.

And yes- all of those things (except the last one) are actually on my to-do list, and WILL be crossed off once completed.

3. Snacks I enjoy:

Salt and vinegar chips, rice cakes with peanut butter, cheese and crackers, apples with peanut butter, and ice cream.

4. Places I've lived:

Atlanta, Ga: 2 years

Duluth, Ga: 4 years

Roswell, Ga: 4 years

Asheville, NC: 8 months

Roswell, Ga: 7 more years

Boone, NC: 9 months

5. Things I would do if I were a billionaire.

First, I would pay off any debt my parents still have. Then I would buy my parents and I each our own car that actually works. Hybrids would be preferred. I'd buy my parents the second home in the mountains they've always wanted. I'd give my church/ youth group some money so they wouldn't have to hold so many fundraisers. I'd buy Trey his BMW and Nick his hybrid. I'd also buy Anji and Lenore a hybrid too. I'd put away enough money so that any future kids of mine would be set to go to any college they wanted. I'd take me, my family and my best friends on a trip around the world...stopping wherever we wanted. I'd give as many animal shelters as I could enough money so that they could keep animals alive until they were adopted or died of old age. I'd give Anji the money to go to college wherever she wanted, and Trey the money to start his own photography studio. And I'd probably buy myself a nice house for the future....although I'm probably all out of money at this point.

Meme #2.

6 unimportant facts about me.

1. I love looking through Wedding magazines when I go to Barnes and Noble.

2. If I chew 3 Goldfish crackers on the right side of my mouth I have to chew 3 Goldfish crackers on the left side of my mouth.

3. My computer's HD was named "I'm Delicious" by Trey.

4. My favorite color changes from day to day between 3 or 4 main colors.

5. I'll go to a different floor or room in a house to avoid someone hearing me use the restroom.

6. The one thing I want more than almost anything is to have siblings.

Poo.

So I've been having kind of a rough time lately. And I'm not really sure what's wrong, which seems to aggravate me even more. I feel like nothing I do is right, and nothing anyone else does around me is right. I got in another fight with my mom yesterday...go figure. It was about transferring to State. It's just SO FRUSTRATING living with my mom right now. Nothing I do is good enough. I'm not a good enough person- I should be doing more community service. Transferring to State isn't good enough- App State is better. My friends at home aren't good enough- apparently I had more and better friends at App. Like, really mom? really. You're ridiculous. I want to cry she makes me so mad, even just thinking about it now. We resolved it a little bit yesterday, but I still feel like it's not over. And I feel like I have no life. This summer has been so uneventful and disappointing. I had such high hopes- not that it hasn't still been a great summer...I just feel like so many things have gone wrong; so many things have changed. And I hate this feeling. I am sooo excited to start at State and move in and everything, but I'm just in such a funk right now. And really missing everyone from App.

I hate it when I get like this. Nothing feels right and I just want to cry, but there is nothing I can do about it. asdfghjkl;dfghjkl;dfghbjksdxfcvbnj. Whatever. There is nothing to do accept ride it out and accept that it's happening.

Peace.

How to begin...

    So I really never thought I'd do something like this. And I'm really not sure that anyone will ever even read these. But I've always wanted to keep a journal for longer than a month, and  I figure that this may be a good way to accomplish that in a sense. Plus, all my friends are doing it...

I decided to name my blog "Acceptance" because I'm having a little bit of trouble with that recently. Today I watched from my front door as a couple of teenagers stole the Obama sign from my front yard. As I ran after them yelling, I was infuriated and couldn't help but wonder what type of a person would do such a thing. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it really was to me. I have a really hard time understanding people who show no respect. I respect you and your beliefs, why would you be so horrible and steal my expression of those beliefs. Ever heard of Freedom of Speech? You know...the constitution- the thing you hold so dear and supposedly live your life by? Specifically The Bill of Rights. Whatever happened to that?

Anyways, I need to let go of this and accept the fact that it happened. And send out love and acceptance for those kids who thought they were so cool for stealing a freaking yard sign.

Thats why I'm doing this. So I can reflect on my days and experiences and practice acceptance at any chance I get.