Right Now...

I feel like everything I do is wrong. I have no right to think the way I do, or feel a certain way about a subject, or be vocal about how I feel...it's like, as soon as I try to stand up for myself it's viewed as taking advantage of or being mean to someone else. And that is so frustrating. I try to be the best person I can be. I might not be the smartest person you know, but I try to be intelligent and well-informed. I'm definitely not the prettiest or best-dressed. I'm sorry I don't have a very good attention span, but I do try. I don't have the same problems as you, but I have my own. And I draw from them to try and help you. Everybody is different. And although I absolutely love all my friends, please forgive me if sometimes I need my space; it's nothing personal. I am not a mean person, but sometimes I can be. Is it possible to become a bitch at the age of 19? I feel like thats what people are thinking of me right now. Sometimes I say things that make sense in my head but then when I say them- they sound so mean...or stupid. I am sensitive too, ok? I can't always handle negativity.

On a different note, while I was home this weekend, I found out that my dad was just diagnosed with Lime Disease. And while this may not be as serious as something like cancer...it really freaked me out. What would I do without my daddy? He is only 51...thats not that old, right? I'm not ready to start worrying about my parents health. I still need them. My dad still takes me to the doctor, and gets my car fixed. He puts money in my account when I need it and stands up for me when people criticize me. He makes my mom sane when she has a meltdown and takes care of our pets. He brings me presents when he goes out of town and takes me to get ice cream. He taught me how to drive, how to hike, how to appreciate things...But most of all, he loves me more than anyone else. And he takes care of me...thats all I need.