Right Now...

I feel like everything I do is wrong. I have no right to think the way I do, or feel a certain way about a subject, or be vocal about how I feel...it's like, as soon as I try to stand up for myself it's viewed as taking advantage of or being mean to someone else. And that is so frustrating. I try to be the best person I can be. I might not be the smartest person you know, but I try to be intelligent and well-informed. I'm definitely not the prettiest or best-dressed. I'm sorry I don't have a very good attention span, but I do try. I don't have the same problems as you, but I have my own. And I draw from them to try and help you. Everybody is different. And although I absolutely love all my friends, please forgive me if sometimes I need my space; it's nothing personal. I am not a mean person, but sometimes I can be. Is it possible to become a bitch at the age of 19? I feel like thats what people are thinking of me right now. Sometimes I say things that make sense in my head but then when I say them- they sound so mean...or stupid. I am sensitive too, ok? I can't always handle negativity.

On a different note, while I was home this weekend, I found out that my dad was just diagnosed with Lime Disease. And while this may not be as serious as something like cancer...it really freaked me out. What would I do without my daddy? He is only 51...thats not that old, right? I'm not ready to start worrying about my parents health. I still need them. My dad still takes me to the doctor, and gets my car fixed. He puts money in my account when I need it and stands up for me when people criticize me. He makes my mom sane when she has a meltdown and takes care of our pets. He brings me presents when he goes out of town and takes me to get ice cream. He taught me how to drive, how to hike, how to appreciate things...But most of all, he loves me more than anyone else. And he takes care of me...thats all I need.

Evaluate.

I stole this from Trey.....

Do you have a good reputation?  Sometimes I wonder...
Have you ever cheated? Never had a boyfriend to cheat on.
Ever made someone cry and laughed?  Um, not that I'm aware of...

Are you confused right now? I feel like I'm always somewhat confused.
Who do you wanna spend the rest of your life with? Whoever I end up marrying...and the friends I have now. I don't want to lose them either.

Are you single? Yes.
Are you in love?  I'm not in love..but I love my friends and and family a whole lot.
How many assholes do you know?  Um, at this point I can't really think of any I know personally.
Favorite color? Green....and light yellow and teal. And I've really been liking purple lately.
Do you like being in a relationship? I don't know..I feel like I would.
Who pissed you off today? No one today.
When's the last time you cried? A week ago.
Are you upset? Not at this moment
Have you ever been depressed? Not the way some people have, but yes.
One question thats on your mind? Where will I live next year.
Last phone call? Trey.
Last text? Anjuli.
Person you're trying to ignore? No one.
Last death? My great-grandfather.

If you could kiss the last person you kissed, would you? Never been kissed.
Do you regret things? Yes.
Do you think anyone will read your answers? Possibly.

Who would you like to be with right now? Marina.
Who do you trust? Most people I'm close to.
Are you on the phone? No.
Who would you like to fall asleep to on the phone?  I wouldn't want to fall asleep while talking to anyone on the phone.
Do you forgive easily? Yes.
What's on your mind? Too much to say.
If you could apologize to anyone right now, who would it be? I'm not really sure.
Do you like cheese? Yes, but not excessive amounts.

Are you currently bored? Tired...and a little bored.
In the past five days, what would you go back and change? Nothing huge, I just wish I hadn't stayed at home last night.
Are you honest? I try my hardest to be.
Are you believable? I think...?
What are you listening to? "Live Your Life" By Rihanna
Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work? Never even heard of that until recently. So, no.
What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone? Who knows.
Ever been in a car wreck? Thank the lord, no.
Were you popular in high school? Yeah right. 
Have you ever been on a blind date? No.
Are looks important? Important but not everything.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more? Yes.
By what age would you like to be married? Around 25-28
Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them? Most definitely.
Have you ever made a mistake? Duh.
Are you a good tipper? Yes.
What's the most you have spent for a haircut? $35
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope...well maybe a little one on Mr. Boyd. 9th grade english.
Have you ever peed in public? Um, I think so.
What song do you want played at your funeral? "Amazing Grace" played by Bagpipes
Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Yes.
What would your last meal be before getting executed? Hm...Chicken Parm and pasta.
Beatles or Stones? Definitely the Beatles.
If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who? I don't believe in violence.
What are your plans for the future? Graduate, move to NY, have some type of job involving special needs kids, get married, have kids...the usual.
Do you walk around the house naked? Underwear, yes. Naked, no.
If you were an animal what would you be? A dog.
Would you rather be blind or deaf? Deaf.  
Do you have any special talents? Um, no special weird talents...but I can dance on a good day.
What do you do as soon as you walk in the house? Take off my shoes.

Do you like horror or comedy? Definitely comedy. I love to laugh and hate to be scared.
Are you missing anyone? Yeah...
If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do? Evangeline Lilly.
Where do you want to live when you are old? With people who love me.
Who is the person you can count on the most? My dad.
If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be? I really don't know....
What did you dream last night? I don't remember.
What is your favorite sport to watch? Soccer.
Are you named after anyone? Not my first name but my middle name is after my mom's old best friend.
Have you ever been in love? No.
Do you sing in the shower? Not usually, but I have.
What is your favorite Holiday? I love all holidays, but especially Halloween and Christmas.
Would you ever get plastic surgery? Only if I needed it because of an accident or something.
Have you ever caught a fish? Yep, with my daddy.

Friends and Hurricanes

I wanted to apologize, my last post was fairly depressing. Although, to whom I'm apologizing I'm not really sure. I guess anyone- for having to experience my dramatic unhappiness. But have no fear! This post will be much more cheerful.

I've found myself wanting to hug my friends every time I see them. Trey and I were having this conversation last night. I love my friends so much and I am so freaking lucky to have them. To have You. You're awesome. So now I've found myself being a little overzealous in my time with you. I'm all for the bonding time, hugging, talking, cooking, listening. It's all so awesome. We're so lucky to all be able to live together like this. Of course I am also loving and missing my friends from home, and those who don't live here, etc. But it's like, I don't want to miss any minute that I could spend with my friends, unless I'm taking a nap of course. But I even dislike leaving everyone to go to bed at night. I can already tell I'm going to go into withdrawal when I go home Winter break and then next summer...ick. I don't want to think about it.

Completely changing topics, Caitie gave me this link of pictures from Hurricane Ike and the damage it did in Texas. Its so horrible. how can something be so beautiful and so absolutely horrible at the same time. So many people have lost lives, friends and family, homes, pets. It just breaks my heart. They are all in my prayers. I wish people would wise up and realize that the increase in horrible storms is due to the increase in Global Warming. It makes me so furious when people say that global warming isn't true. How the heck can you say something like that just isn't true?!?! We're all going to die because some people don't want to stop driving their SUVs or start recycling. asdfghjkljhgfds. OK, that was a little bit dramatic, but it seriously makes me so angry.

I had a lot more to say on the topic of friends..and other things as well. But seeing as I started this blog 2 days ago and I still haven't finished, kind of takes away my concentration and flow.

Oh well, I'm so excited for tonight! Peace.

P.S.

I've posted below the link Caitie sent me, see for yourself the devastation...

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/the_short_but_eventful_life_of.html

Damien Rice.

So, today was kind of a horrible day. I won't go into details..it was just a bad day. Or...morning and night rather. The in between wasn't too bad. And I have Eva to thank for that.

I had a really rough morning, and absolutely no one was at school for me to go to. So I texted Eva and asked her to come back a little earlier because I needed her. Everyone needs a friend like Eva- the kind that will drop everything for you when you need them. 

So anyways, Eva came back to school and picked me up- she even had a silly present for me. What would a girl be without some chocolate, jelly beans, and diamond lipgloss? The bag and tissue paper were really awesome too. We drove around to find a place for me to get my haircut- which always makes me feel really great for some reason. And this was definitely an adventure. We ended up at a Great Clips where this lady with a gold tooth cut my hair crooked. It was awesome. Then we went to Barnes and Noble (which we decided is waayy better than Borders) and Eva bought me the first Twighlight book! She is determined that I will become as obsessed with them as she is so she'll have someone to share them with. We couldn't find the teen section but we didn't want to ask someone because that takes away all the fun of perusing a bookstore. We did finally succumb to asking though- we were looking on the opposite side of the store...

After that we found this awesome mexican restaurant that I can't remember the name of- but we are definitely taking everyone back to it. We decided it would be really fun with a group of people to sit on the patio. We talked about life and friends and everything...it was one of "those" conversations that you always remember. The kind where bonding happens and everything feels perfect.

After dinner we went back to the dorms, I took a lovely nap and then took a bath and listened to Damien Rice. Which is always amazing. But then I started getting kind of down again. luckily Morgan came home and we talked for a while which made me feel better. And then Trey finally came back which was good.

I've noticed that I feel really uncomfortable with girls I don't know. It doesn't bother me as much with guys. But I always feel like girls are instantly judging me in a new situation like a party. And I feel bad because then I probably give off a bad vibe- but I can't help it sometimes. I don't really know how to act, I didn't ever do that type of thing in high school. And now I feel like I'm permanently defective in that area. 

I want to cry. Again. And I don't really have a reason anymore, I just feel like nothing is going right. Everything is wrong.

Or maybe it's just because I'm listening to Damien Rice again and I never got to talk to Trey which always makes me feel better. Who knows. I'm acting like such a drama queen. I'm done.

Those are most of my thoughts for tonight. I'm going to go start my book now! I love new books, they're so great. And hopefully i'll fall asleep soon since I have to get up at 7:30am. Ick.

10 things.

So, I am completely taking Eva's idea of  "My 10 Favorite Things of the Week". But I just felt it was necessary.

10. Deans French Onion Dip. Jordan recently turned me on to eating this dip with blue corn chips and it is DELICIOUS.

9. Television. I don't watch a lot of TV, but when you think about it the television is an amazing invention. How else would billions of people be able to tune into something like the Republican National Convention last night...

8. Speaking of the RNC, I love that we live in a nation where the Republican presidential candidate can choose a female governor from Alaska who was elected because she has experience as a PTA and hockey mom. Oh yes. That is experience right there.

7. Google. Its amazing. How else would we be able to find so much information and things like Trey's new profile picture.

6. Public Parks. I love going to parks and hanging out with friends. I also love watching all the different types of people that walk by...and taking naps.

5. My mac computer. Of course this is always a favorite, but I am especially happy with mine right now given that I'm writing this blog while in class...

4. Chacos. Every time I walk around campus I find myself looking for those exceptional people wearing Chacos. Many times I can look at a person and know immediately that he or she is wearing them. Chaco wearing people are just plain cool.

3. Obama. I love him so much. He always stays above criticizing his opponents and always responds with a smile when criticisms are directed at him

2. Sleepovers. They just make me so happy! There is something about snuggling up with your best friends that just completely warms your heart.

1. GA State University. I just love it so much! Except for when they do stupid things like putting stupid holds on my account...but overall I love this school!