D= 3.40 + 0.11n

This is the equation my math teacher is working through on the board.

And I don't understand any of it. I've been trying to keep up with what she has been saying, but I just don't get it. I don't have the brain for math, I never have. And it is so frustrating! I feel like their are so many concepts that I should be able to pull from a base knowledge of math learned 10 years ago....but I got nothin. It feels as though every time I take a math class I have to re-learn everything, get a tutor, etc. I'm not proud of this, I hate having to ask for help. It makes me feel so inferior to my fellow classmates. And everyone says "Math Modeling" is sooo easy! Well not for me. It makes no sense to me. It probably would have been much easier if I had started this class right after I finished math in HS. But I did't. It's been almost two years since I took a math class...and now I'm paying the price. Not to mention the fact that I also have to take at least four more upper level math classes. Kill me.

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about my future recently. Maybe it was spurred by Jade's latest post, or maybe it started because of something my mom said this weekend, who knows.
Of course, right now my plan is to get get a degree and be dually-certified in Early Childhood Education and Special Education. But I am also still thinking about going to Graduate school for Dance Therapy or maybe even just Dance... But then there is also the question of how would I pay for that education? I am soo fortunate to have most of my Undergraduate education taken care of by my grandfather, but I doubt I'll have any money left over for Grad school. Especially since I want to move to NYC and live with Eva and Trey and go to school there...NYC isn't ecatly the cheapest place to live. But thinking about all of this and the problem of money has made me realize how much I really do want to move to NYC and go to Grad school. I just have a feeling that it's something I need to do for myself and my life. And I just have a hard time imagining myself being completely ready to start working starting in the Spring of 2012. Not gonna lie, I want to be those cool kids in their 20s living in NYC, working, going to school, living with friends, having weekly pie dates with Trey and Starbucks trips with Eva ;) I want those experiences in my life. However cheesy it may sound, I want them.

I made about $150 this weekend. After working a total of 4 shifts and about 21 hours...which may seem ok until you realize that I only made about $7 an hour and my Sunday shift I worked 5 hours and made $18. But more importantly, I missed out on a lot of memories with friends. I am so sick of going home to work every weekend. I miss my friends at school, I miss out on the things they do, I don't actually spend much time with my parents, and I have no time to see friends from home. Not to mention trying to study or get any homework done. I feel as though my life consists of school during the week and work on the weekend. I have no break. And I feel so lost in all of my classes, I'm hanging on to everything by a thread. But I have to work. My parents can't afford to pay for anything but groceries. I have to save up for Spring Break, I need a car so I can have a job here in ATL, and apparently I need to also start saving so I can pay for wherever I live next year unless I can work something out with my parents. But even if I can figure out how to get a car, I have to then add parking, insurance, and gas to my budget. Ahh I want to scream! I know the bad economy isn't my parents fault...but I can't help but be a little agnry with them for not planning anything for the future, not knowing how to save etc.

Anyways, to anyone that I may have or will be short with or seem annoyed etc....I haven't been feeling well. Sickly, period time and all of this ^ so although it's not an excuse by any means, just please understand it's not personal if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time :/

Love to everyone, M.

My thanks, from A-Z.

So it's been simply ages since I've written. And I'm not sure why. I've wanted to write, and I've had things to write about. But I just haven't actually gotten to the point where I reaallyy want to put the two things together. So I have decided that instead I will just name a few simple pleasures that I am thankful for. These should give you an idea of some of the things that have been happening in my life for the past 1-2 months.

From A-Z, some things I am thankful for, love and appreciate.

A) It gives me intense joy when people call me by a nickname. M, Mar, Missa, Maritz, Maris, Kiddo etc. They all make me feel so loved.

B) Group sleepovers are probably the greatest thing invented. There is nothing better than piling into a bed and talking and sleeping with some of your closest friends.

C) Taking a hot shower with the door open and your music blaring.

D) Being able to exercise/ walk to class with an iPod without having to hold it/ put it in a pocket [thanks to Trey and Nick :)]

E) Having someone tell you you're beautiful (parents and family do not count, they're required to think that)

F) Snuggling up with friends and a hot cup of tea or coffee when it's freezing outside.

G) Realizing that God has once again worked in mysterious ways to teach you a good lesson.

H) Feeling confident about your future and the people whom you know will be there with you the whole way.

I) Having friends in your classes.

J) Having excess Mac laptop chargers at your house when yours melts.

K) Having friends who will dye their hair pink with you on a whim, New Years Eve.

L) Having a job at this point in the economy.

M) Having the opportunity to possibly study abroad with 3 friends in Italy for a month.

N) Having friends with houses close by that I can visit when the Commons start to annoy me.

O) Being able to go back to RCD and dance with other graduates in Winter Concert. So awesome.

P) Finding new, awesome music is really great.

Q) Going to openmike nights with friends and loving the good and bad.

R) Having a good time when family comes to visit.

S) I love when people tell me they love me. No matter how often they say it.

T) Hugs are awesome little gifts everytime I receive one.

U) Knowing that even though you may not have plans now, you will be spending the evening with some assortment of the people you love most.

V) Having a dad that will drive from his job at the Fox and drive to a dance studio to bring you the extra charger for your computer.

W) Having a group of friends that will meet your for lunch between classes.

X) Having an awesome academic advisor in your major.

Y) Getting a new phone when you've had the same crappy one for 3 years is a great feeling.

Z) Having awesome, amazing, uncomparable friends that I get to spend everyday with is the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Thankful For You And The Memories.

I'm sitting here in my room, waiting for my parents to finish getting ready so that we can go to North Carolina for Thanksgiving break. Originally I was going to drive up separately and then come home on Friday so that I could work and see my friends who are home for the holidays. But then yesterday my mom said that she decided I would be staying the whole time and had no say in the matter. Anybody else hate being treated like a 12 year old? I was so angry that I had to drop the subject. But after talking it over some more with Eva, I have decided that I need to bring it up again and explain to my mom why the way she is treating me is not working. So, I told my dad that I want to talk to them before we leave, and I am waiting until they are ready to talk. I realized that I am afraid of talking to my mother. I am so used to her not listening and making me cry that I dread whenever I have to confront her about something. This makes me really sad, a healthy mother/daughter relationship should not be like that. I was excite about spending a couple days in the mountains with my parents...until my mom decided to force me to stay. Now I don't want to go at all. I have a real problem with being forced into things and not receiving respect. That is one of my biggest issues. Please don't lie to me, I don't like being treated like a moron. Just give me the respect of telling the truth...that comes with trust.

Anyways, I am not looking forward to this holiday. I usually love Thanksgiving, but this year I find myself dreading the day and planning ways to avoid my parents the whole time we're there. If only I had sibling to spend my time with...sigh.

However, I do believe in the meaning of Thanksgiving, and for that reason I decided to make a list of all that I am grateful for...in no particular order.

I am thankful for:
-My parents, they are amazing no matter how frustrated they make me sometimes. I know I am so lucky to have them.
-My animals: Gracie, Lucy, Banks, Barrington, and Clemi. They are awesome and they closest thing I have to siblings in this house.
-The fact that I have a job at this time when the economy is weak. I may not like it but at least I have something.
-My house, it's pretty awesome. And I am lucky to have a roof over my head.
-Pearl...she's done a lot for me and I love her in all her crackleiness.
-My mac, I know that's silly, but I just love it so much!
-School, I am sooo thankful that I love Ga State!
-Dance, I am so lucky that I have dance as an outlet.
-The Pasquariellos, they've been a second family to me the last couple years and I love them all so much. Trey, Knows me so, so well, I can always count on him to be there for me. Nick and Dev, Best "siblings" ever.
-Jordan, I am so lucky to have such an amazing roommate who knows me so well and has become one of my very best friends in such a short time.
Eva and Alex, so great in their own ways. Eva is so intense but can always lift the mood. She always knows what to do to cheer me up and I am so thankful for that. Everyone needs a friend like Eva. Alex, is just so silly. I love him for all of his quirkyness but how deep he is also.
Marina, my sister since birth. I wish she was here, I miss her so much. She knows me inside and out, and even though we've had our moments I know she will never leave me.
Matt, always knows when to put me in my place but always there with a helping hand or a listening ear.
-Caitie, so smart and willing to help. I know I can always go to her for anything. I envy her determination and beliefs.
-Jade, I have so much respect for the type of person she strives to be everyday. She is so confident in her values and beliefs and is one of those people who is just an awesome friend to have.

Of course there are many other people for whom I am thankful, but I thought I would start with people who will read this blog and who I would have included anyways.

This all sounds so cliche, but I just felt as though it was a good time to tell you all how much you mean to me and how much I miss you guys.


Annddd, while I was finishing up- my dad came in to tell me that my mom decided I could choose if I will stay this weekend or not...so I am thanksful for that too :)
Anyone of you feel free to call me this week! I'm sure I will be dying for some outside contact...
Love to you all, and happy Thanksgiving!

P.S.
I'm excited now!

Joe the plumber, meet Barack the president.

After spending so much time in classrooms last week, I've decided that when I grow up and have kids....and if I have two boys...then I want to name the first one Nathan, after my great grandfather, and the second one Parker...or Aidan. I'm not sure about girl names though...because frankly...I don't really like girl names. But I do like Madelyn and Connor. I can assure you however, that I will not name any of my children Mer Sadie, Jean, Cookie or Versacci. Oh, and I will never name my child George. I don't want his 5th grade class to always sing the George of the Jungle song when he is called on.
Something else I realized by visiting Roswell North, is that I want to persue sever disabilities special education, rather than just learning and behavioral disabilities. I like working with Autistic students especially. I'm excited for that, but also nervous. I want to be the absolutely best teacher I can be and I don't want to mess it up. Something else that is making me nervous, is that I keep hearing that special ed teachers usually burn out within 5 years. What if that happens to me? I will have gone through all of that school and trainging to end up doing something that includes so much paperwork that I end up hating the profession I used to be so passionate about. Gaahhh, anyways. Whatever happens, happens. And for now, I am excited about the direction I am heading in. I had an awesome time last weekend visiting App State. It was soo great to see all of my friends at App again. I've missed them all so much! I'm so glad we got to go to and App football game and Molly and Jessie's dance recital. And of course, I am very, very thankful to Trey and Jordan for coming with me, ya'll are amazing :)
Speaking of friends, I have the best in the world. I am so thankful for all of you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you. I hate leaving school now because I miss everyone so much and I'm afraid I'll miss so much. So, thanks guys. I love you all.
Last week Jordan and I took a hip-hop class together and I had soo much fun! t had been about a year and a half since I'd taken a hip-hop class and it was a much needed break from everyday life. I'm so excited to go back and take more classes! I'm also thinking about trying to find like an adult dance company or something. I really need dance in my life again, I miss it so much! Let me know if you hear of anything :)
Tuesday night might have been the proudest moment in my life. I can not believe that we, as a country, actually elected Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States. I witnessed this historic even twith some of my best friends and my parents. I love Obama and his family and I have so much respect for them. I know it will be a long time before he can accomplish much, but I am so excited! I really respect all of the people who voted for John McCain, but are now in support of Obama because he is the president-elect. We don't need more division in this country and I think ya'll are awesome for being so supportive. On the other hand, it really scares me what I've heard about white supremacists, etc. I do not want to live to see a president of the United States be assinated. I have the Obama family in my prayers and I hope to God they all stay safe. I am still in awe by the fact that I got to see the next president speak in person, the night before his election. I will always have that amazing memory. It was completely worth missing school for, even if I am still completely deprived of sleep and had the busiest week after. Obama is the most amazing speaker and I could have listened to him talk in the rain for hours. And we were sooo close! It's amazing how lucky we were.
I am soo excited to go back to hip-hop tomorrow and for the Twilight movie next week! Yay for friends and movies and books about vampire love stories! Anndd midnight showings! Woo!

13 things...

because I'm bored...

13. I'm excited for lunch, Tinsel Town baby.

12. I really want to travel to somewhere fun, with friends. Somewhere like Puerto Rico would be nice...

11. Having the whole dorm to yourself so you can shower with the door open and blast your music is a rare gift.

10. A sad song can darken my mood immediately; but Cartel can lift my mood instantly.

9. A brisk walk in the cold is very nice.

8. Apples and peanut butter are delicious.

7. Having something to look forward to is always great...App State!

6. Finishing huge assignments and fixing disagreements takes a load off your mind.

5. Spontaneity is always fun, even when the movie sucks...

4. I love having a project to work on

3. Fall weather is amazing and it makes me happy.

2. Tradition is awesome.

1. I have amazing friends.

Inspire Me.

I went to this extra credit lecture last night for my education class. It was the 20th anniversary of this lecture series, started by Benjamin E. Mays in 1988. The guest speaker was Mrs. Marian Wright Edelman, an amazing woman who founded and is president of the Children's Defense Fund.  She was the first black woman admitted to the Mississippi Bar and worked with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on the Poor People's Campaign. Mrs. Edelman gave a very moving and intriguing lecture which I thoroughly enjoyed. She was so inspiring that I have decided that I want to start a Freedom School in Atlanta. Freedom schools started in the 1960s as "temporary, alternative free schools for African Americans mostly in the South. They were originally part of a nationwide effort during the Civil Rights Movement to organize African Americans to achieve social, political and economic equality in the United States." Today, CDF Freedom Schools are summer programs for about 50 students led by around 6 college student interns and 2-3 adult supervisors. Its a school program where underprivileged kids of all races come Monday through Friday, 8am-3pm to learn. They read higher level books, have a more interactive classroom, sing and dance every morning and have teachers who are so passionate about what they are doing and helping these children to become the best they can be.

After finding out that we don't have a Freedom School in Atlanta, Ga..really..ATL?! I decided that I want to try and get one started here. However, it takes about $58, 000 to start and run one of these schools for 5-6 weeks. I have to find a sponsor, or co-sponsors. Eva had the brilliant idea of asking Coca-Cola to sponsor it, since they obviously have a ton of money, have a commitment to education and children, and have their headquarters in Atl. However, if you know of anyone who might be interested in sponsoring please let me know. And if YOU'RE interested in helping me, let me know. I'd love to have to you!

Obviously I am aware of the fact that this will take a ton of work and is probably very far-fetched. Who knows how far I'll get with this...but I really want to try. Our country's youth are so important, we have to do everything we can to give them a step up in the world. For starters, we need elected officials who are in office based on morality and not only because of fear tactics and connections. We need people who will vote for children and their best interests. Heres a little fact: Obama voted for children about 87% last year, Biden: 86%, McCain: less than 28%

This election is so important for children if nothing else.

Anyways, getting off my little soapbox... if you want to find out more about CDF and Freedom Schools, I've posted the link below.

http://www.childrensdefense.org/site/PageNavigator/Freedom_Schools

ESFJ

So I retook the Jung Typology test...and found out that I am: slightly expressed extrovert, slightly expressed sensing personality, distinctively expressed feeling personality, and moderately judging personality. I am the same as Jordan, so to see one explanation of our type you can read her page. But I liked this description: 

Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.

All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ESFJs, as do most SJs, bear strong allegiance to rights of seniority. They willingly provide service (which embodies life's meaning) and expect the same from others.

ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.   An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.

As caretakers, ESFJs sense danger all around--germs within, the elements without, unscrupulous malefactors, insidious character flaws. The world is a dangerous place, not to be trusted. Not that the ESFJ is paranoid; 'hyper-vigilant' would be more precise. And thus they serve excellently as protectors, outstanding in fields such as medical care and elementary education.

Famous ESFJs:

U.S. Presidents:

William McKinley

William J. Clinton 

Desi Arnaz ("Ricky Ricardo")
John Connally (former Governor of Texas)
Terry Bradshaw, NFL quarterback
Sally Struthers (All in the Family)
Mary Tyler Moore
Dixie Carter (Designing Women)
Steve Spurrier, Heismann trophy winner, Univ. of Fla. football coach
Sally Field
Danny Glover, actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2 Margaret Butt
Nancy Kerrigan (U.S. olympic figureskater)
Elvis Stojko (Canadian olympic figureskater)

Fictional ESFJs:

Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek)
Monica (Friends)
Donald Duck
Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh