And I'm feelin... goood. De nah, de nah...

So even though I feel like I have a shitload going on, and a lot I still need to confront...I'm feeling really good.
This is the first time in years that I have felt relatively confident in a math class (88 on my first test, hell yeah!)
I have a knot in my left calf that hinders my walking, but I'm lucky that it happened when I have no dance commitments.
I'm probably failing Psych because of that stupid midterm, but I did well on my Educ midterm so right now I'm happy.
After this history class I have to write a paper, but it has no page requirement and is on the dancer of my choice, then I have a math quiz online that I have until the Tuesday after SB to complete.
I have a good work schedule this weekend and am then off to the lake with 2 of my best friends! I'm excited to be able to relax and see an old friend from middle school while we're there.
After that, we're off to see Stephanie in Florida and I'm super psyched for that! I haven't seen her in soo long. And I love getting to see where my friends live their life while they're at school. Isn't it a weird thought that so many of our friends have this whole other life, that we don't know much at all about because we've never been there?
I am excited to finally be able to go to Savannah for St. Patty's Day with friends and that my old roommate Meredith might be coming to see me for a few days.
Anndd stoked about going to Athens with Alli for the P7 concert and getting to see Matt and stay with Hattie!
Even though I've been super stressed about having to work so much, and because we are apparently moving before my family falls into bankruptcy...I am thankful that I have a job at this point and that I can use it so that my parents don't really have to worry about me and money.
I painted my toenails purple...loovvee it. I love purple. It makes me happy, and did you know it is supposed to be a very spiritual color?
I finally think I have somewhat of a plan for this summer, and that takes some stress off and makes me happy..besides the fact that niinnee (yes NINE) of my closest friends will be out of town simultaneously for most of this summer. That makes me sad.
But anyways, the rest makes me happy.
I am so proud of Jade for getting into the BigStuf Camps intern program. It is such an amazing opportunity and a life changing experience.
I think it is awesome that the Pasq siblings are finally taking their month long road trip to California, that will also be life changing for them and I'm excited to hear all about it.
I'm proud of Alex for finally getting his U.S. citezenship and that he, Eva, Marina, and Nate will all be spending a month in Italy this summer in an awesome film study abroad program.
So even though most of my friends will be leaving me this summer, I am excited for them and the adventures they will be taking on.
And I'm thankful for the friends who will be here with me through the summer: Jordan, Matt, Caitie, Amanda, Taylor, Gabby and a few of my Roswell friends.
Anyways, even though I have a hell of a lot going on in my life right now....sometimes it helps to stop and look at the silver lining of thing of things to help you put it all in perspective :)
Love.

God Is.

"True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness." -Albert Einstein

I miss church. I have for a while but I really realized it this past weekend. My Russian manager Tamara randomly asked if I go to church, where I go and what I believe. This got me thinking...

Not to sound too cliche, but church is where I have always found myself when I start to feel lost. I had a phase in middle school and high school when I decided to go to church as often as possible with or without my parents. In both instances I found myself happier. Recently however I have found that it is nearly impossible for me to attend church. I have to plan way in advance and figure out how I am getting there, how I am getting back to Atl etc. I have begun cutting out religion so that I can work more and have more time with my friends. But that is the wrong way to go about it. I need God in my life to feel complete. And of course I don't have to attend church to know that God is always there, but sometimes I need the reassurance of all those people feeling the same love in one place, hearing the lesson, and reminding myself of why I am who I am.

Anyways, in the spirit of Trey and the tattoo he wants..and how I am feeling right now. Here are some things "God Is" to me:

All loving

Beautiful

Accepting

Amazing

Everywhere

Light

Giving

Great

Peace

Art

Dance

Music

Prayer

"God is Spirit, the loving source of all that is. God is the one power, all good, everywhere present, all wisdom. God is divine energy, continually creating, expressing,, and sustaining all creation. In God, we live and move and have our being."

He is everything and everyone I love.

He is within you and me.

D= 3.40 + 0.11n

This is the equation my math teacher is working through on the board.

And I don't understand any of it. I've been trying to keep up with what she has been saying, but I just don't get it. I don't have the brain for math, I never have. And it is so frustrating! I feel like their are so many concepts that I should be able to pull from a base knowledge of math learned 10 years ago....but I got nothin. It feels as though every time I take a math class I have to re-learn everything, get a tutor, etc. I'm not proud of this, I hate having to ask for help. It makes me feel so inferior to my fellow classmates. And everyone says "Math Modeling" is sooo easy! Well not for me. It makes no sense to me. It probably would have been much easier if I had started this class right after I finished math in HS. But I did't. It's been almost two years since I took a math class...and now I'm paying the price. Not to mention the fact that I also have to take at least four more upper level math classes. Kill me.

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about my future recently. Maybe it was spurred by Jade's latest post, or maybe it started because of something my mom said this weekend, who knows.
Of course, right now my plan is to get get a degree and be dually-certified in Early Childhood Education and Special Education. But I am also still thinking about going to Graduate school for Dance Therapy or maybe even just Dance... But then there is also the question of how would I pay for that education? I am soo fortunate to have most of my Undergraduate education taken care of by my grandfather, but I doubt I'll have any money left over for Grad school. Especially since I want to move to NYC and live with Eva and Trey and go to school there...NYC isn't ecatly the cheapest place to live. But thinking about all of this and the problem of money has made me realize how much I really do want to move to NYC and go to Grad school. I just have a feeling that it's something I need to do for myself and my life. And I just have a hard time imagining myself being completely ready to start working starting in the Spring of 2012. Not gonna lie, I want to be those cool kids in their 20s living in NYC, working, going to school, living with friends, having weekly pie dates with Trey and Starbucks trips with Eva ;) I want those experiences in my life. However cheesy it may sound, I want them.

I made about $150 this weekend. After working a total of 4 shifts and about 21 hours...which may seem ok until you realize that I only made about $7 an hour and my Sunday shift I worked 5 hours and made $18. But more importantly, I missed out on a lot of memories with friends. I am so sick of going home to work every weekend. I miss my friends at school, I miss out on the things they do, I don't actually spend much time with my parents, and I have no time to see friends from home. Not to mention trying to study or get any homework done. I feel as though my life consists of school during the week and work on the weekend. I have no break. And I feel so lost in all of my classes, I'm hanging on to everything by a thread. But I have to work. My parents can't afford to pay for anything but groceries. I have to save up for Spring Break, I need a car so I can have a job here in ATL, and apparently I need to also start saving so I can pay for wherever I live next year unless I can work something out with my parents. But even if I can figure out how to get a car, I have to then add parking, insurance, and gas to my budget. Ahh I want to scream! I know the bad economy isn't my parents fault...but I can't help but be a little agnry with them for not planning anything for the future, not knowing how to save etc.

Anyways, to anyone that I may have or will be short with or seem annoyed etc....I haven't been feeling well. Sickly, period time and all of this ^ so although it's not an excuse by any means, just please understand it's not personal if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time :/

Love to everyone, M.

My thanks, from A-Z.

So it's been simply ages since I've written. And I'm not sure why. I've wanted to write, and I've had things to write about. But I just haven't actually gotten to the point where I reaallyy want to put the two things together. So I have decided that instead I will just name a few simple pleasures that I am thankful for. These should give you an idea of some of the things that have been happening in my life for the past 1-2 months.

From A-Z, some things I am thankful for, love and appreciate.

A) It gives me intense joy when people call me by a nickname. M, Mar, Missa, Maritz, Maris, Kiddo etc. They all make me feel so loved.

B) Group sleepovers are probably the greatest thing invented. There is nothing better than piling into a bed and talking and sleeping with some of your closest friends.

C) Taking a hot shower with the door open and your music blaring.

D) Being able to exercise/ walk to class with an iPod without having to hold it/ put it in a pocket [thanks to Trey and Nick :)]

E) Having someone tell you you're beautiful (parents and family do not count, they're required to think that)

F) Snuggling up with friends and a hot cup of tea or coffee when it's freezing outside.

G) Realizing that God has once again worked in mysterious ways to teach you a good lesson.

H) Feeling confident about your future and the people whom you know will be there with you the whole way.

I) Having friends in your classes.

J) Having excess Mac laptop chargers at your house when yours melts.

K) Having friends who will dye their hair pink with you on a whim, New Years Eve.

L) Having a job at this point in the economy.

M) Having the opportunity to possibly study abroad with 3 friends in Italy for a month.

N) Having friends with houses close by that I can visit when the Commons start to annoy me.

O) Being able to go back to RCD and dance with other graduates in Winter Concert. So awesome.

P) Finding new, awesome music is really great.

Q) Going to openmike nights with friends and loving the good and bad.

R) Having a good time when family comes to visit.

S) I love when people tell me they love me. No matter how often they say it.

T) Hugs are awesome little gifts everytime I receive one.

U) Knowing that even though you may not have plans now, you will be spending the evening with some assortment of the people you love most.

V) Having a dad that will drive from his job at the Fox and drive to a dance studio to bring you the extra charger for your computer.

W) Having a group of friends that will meet your for lunch between classes.

X) Having an awesome academic advisor in your major.

Y) Getting a new phone when you've had the same crappy one for 3 years is a great feeling.

Z) Having awesome, amazing, uncomparable friends that I get to spend everyday with is the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Thankful For You And The Memories.

I'm sitting here in my room, waiting for my parents to finish getting ready so that we can go to North Carolina for Thanksgiving break. Originally I was going to drive up separately and then come home on Friday so that I could work and see my friends who are home for the holidays. But then yesterday my mom said that she decided I would be staying the whole time and had no say in the matter. Anybody else hate being treated like a 12 year old? I was so angry that I had to drop the subject. But after talking it over some more with Eva, I have decided that I need to bring it up again and explain to my mom why the way she is treating me is not working. So, I told my dad that I want to talk to them before we leave, and I am waiting until they are ready to talk. I realized that I am afraid of talking to my mother. I am so used to her not listening and making me cry that I dread whenever I have to confront her about something. This makes me really sad, a healthy mother/daughter relationship should not be like that. I was excite about spending a couple days in the mountains with my parents...until my mom decided to force me to stay. Now I don't want to go at all. I have a real problem with being forced into things and not receiving respect. That is one of my biggest issues. Please don't lie to me, I don't like being treated like a moron. Just give me the respect of telling the truth...that comes with trust.

Anyways, I am not looking forward to this holiday. I usually love Thanksgiving, but this year I find myself dreading the day and planning ways to avoid my parents the whole time we're there. If only I had sibling to spend my time with...sigh.

However, I do believe in the meaning of Thanksgiving, and for that reason I decided to make a list of all that I am grateful for...in no particular order.

I am thankful for:
-My parents, they are amazing no matter how frustrated they make me sometimes. I know I am so lucky to have them.
-My animals: Gracie, Lucy, Banks, Barrington, and Clemi. They are awesome and they closest thing I have to siblings in this house.
-The fact that I have a job at this time when the economy is weak. I may not like it but at least I have something.
-My house, it's pretty awesome. And I am lucky to have a roof over my head.
-Pearl...she's done a lot for me and I love her in all her crackleiness.
-My mac, I know that's silly, but I just love it so much!
-School, I am sooo thankful that I love Ga State!
-Dance, I am so lucky that I have dance as an outlet.
-The Pasquariellos, they've been a second family to me the last couple years and I love them all so much. Trey, Knows me so, so well, I can always count on him to be there for me. Nick and Dev, Best "siblings" ever.
-Jordan, I am so lucky to have such an amazing roommate who knows me so well and has become one of my very best friends in such a short time.
Eva and Alex, so great in their own ways. Eva is so intense but can always lift the mood. She always knows what to do to cheer me up and I am so thankful for that. Everyone needs a friend like Eva. Alex, is just so silly. I love him for all of his quirkyness but how deep he is also.
Marina, my sister since birth. I wish she was here, I miss her so much. She knows me inside and out, and even though we've had our moments I know she will never leave me.
Matt, always knows when to put me in my place but always there with a helping hand or a listening ear.
-Caitie, so smart and willing to help. I know I can always go to her for anything. I envy her determination and beliefs.
-Jade, I have so much respect for the type of person she strives to be everyday. She is so confident in her values and beliefs and is one of those people who is just an awesome friend to have.

Of course there are many other people for whom I am thankful, but I thought I would start with people who will read this blog and who I would have included anyways.

This all sounds so cliche, but I just felt as though it was a good time to tell you all how much you mean to me and how much I miss you guys.


Annddd, while I was finishing up- my dad came in to tell me that my mom decided I could choose if I will stay this weekend or not...so I am thanksful for that too :)
Anyone of you feel free to call me this week! I'm sure I will be dying for some outside contact...
Love to you all, and happy Thanksgiving!

P.S.
I'm excited now!

Joe the plumber, meet Barack the president.

After spending so much time in classrooms last week, I've decided that when I grow up and have kids....and if I have two boys...then I want to name the first one Nathan, after my great grandfather, and the second one Parker...or Aidan. I'm not sure about girl names though...because frankly...I don't really like girl names. But I do like Madelyn and Connor. I can assure you however, that I will not name any of my children Mer Sadie, Jean, Cookie or Versacci. Oh, and I will never name my child George. I don't want his 5th grade class to always sing the George of the Jungle song when he is called on.
Something else I realized by visiting Roswell North, is that I want to persue sever disabilities special education, rather than just learning and behavioral disabilities. I like working with Autistic students especially. I'm excited for that, but also nervous. I want to be the absolutely best teacher I can be and I don't want to mess it up. Something else that is making me nervous, is that I keep hearing that special ed teachers usually burn out within 5 years. What if that happens to me? I will have gone through all of that school and trainging to end up doing something that includes so much paperwork that I end up hating the profession I used to be so passionate about. Gaahhh, anyways. Whatever happens, happens. And for now, I am excited about the direction I am heading in. I had an awesome time last weekend visiting App State. It was soo great to see all of my friends at App again. I've missed them all so much! I'm so glad we got to go to and App football game and Molly and Jessie's dance recital. And of course, I am very, very thankful to Trey and Jordan for coming with me, ya'll are amazing :)
Speaking of friends, I have the best in the world. I am so thankful for all of you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you. I hate leaving school now because I miss everyone so much and I'm afraid I'll miss so much. So, thanks guys. I love you all.
Last week Jordan and I took a hip-hop class together and I had soo much fun! t had been about a year and a half since I'd taken a hip-hop class and it was a much needed break from everyday life. I'm so excited to go back and take more classes! I'm also thinking about trying to find like an adult dance company or something. I really need dance in my life again, I miss it so much! Let me know if you hear of anything :)
Tuesday night might have been the proudest moment in my life. I can not believe that we, as a country, actually elected Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States. I witnessed this historic even twith some of my best friends and my parents. I love Obama and his family and I have so much respect for them. I know it will be a long time before he can accomplish much, but I am so excited! I really respect all of the people who voted for John McCain, but are now in support of Obama because he is the president-elect. We don't need more division in this country and I think ya'll are awesome for being so supportive. On the other hand, it really scares me what I've heard about white supremacists, etc. I do not want to live to see a president of the United States be assinated. I have the Obama family in my prayers and I hope to God they all stay safe. I am still in awe by the fact that I got to see the next president speak in person, the night before his election. I will always have that amazing memory. It was completely worth missing school for, even if I am still completely deprived of sleep and had the busiest week after. Obama is the most amazing speaker and I could have listened to him talk in the rain for hours. And we were sooo close! It's amazing how lucky we were.
I am soo excited to go back to hip-hop tomorrow and for the Twilight movie next week! Yay for friends and movies and books about vampire love stories! Anndd midnight showings! Woo!

13 things...

because I'm bored...

13. I'm excited for lunch, Tinsel Town baby.

12. I really want to travel to somewhere fun, with friends. Somewhere like Puerto Rico would be nice...

11. Having the whole dorm to yourself so you can shower with the door open and blast your music is a rare gift.

10. A sad song can darken my mood immediately; but Cartel can lift my mood instantly.

9. A brisk walk in the cold is very nice.

8. Apples and peanut butter are delicious.

7. Having something to look forward to is always great...App State!

6. Finishing huge assignments and fixing disagreements takes a load off your mind.

5. Spontaneity is always fun, even when the movie sucks...

4. I love having a project to work on

3. Fall weather is amazing and it makes me happy.

2. Tradition is awesome.

1. I have amazing friends.

Inspire Me.

I went to this extra credit lecture last night for my education class. It was the 20th anniversary of this lecture series, started by Benjamin E. Mays in 1988. The guest speaker was Mrs. Marian Wright Edelman, an amazing woman who founded and is president of the Children's Defense Fund.  She was the first black woman admitted to the Mississippi Bar and worked with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on the Poor People's Campaign. Mrs. Edelman gave a very moving and intriguing lecture which I thoroughly enjoyed. She was so inspiring that I have decided that I want to start a Freedom School in Atlanta. Freedom schools started in the 1960s as "temporary, alternative free schools for African Americans mostly in the South. They were originally part of a nationwide effort during the Civil Rights Movement to organize African Americans to achieve social, political and economic equality in the United States." Today, CDF Freedom Schools are summer programs for about 50 students led by around 6 college student interns and 2-3 adult supervisors. Its a school program where underprivileged kids of all races come Monday through Friday, 8am-3pm to learn. They read higher level books, have a more interactive classroom, sing and dance every morning and have teachers who are so passionate about what they are doing and helping these children to become the best they can be.

After finding out that we don't have a Freedom School in Atlanta, Ga..really..ATL?! I decided that I want to try and get one started here. However, it takes about $58, 000 to start and run one of these schools for 5-6 weeks. I have to find a sponsor, or co-sponsors. Eva had the brilliant idea of asking Coca-Cola to sponsor it, since they obviously have a ton of money, have a commitment to education and children, and have their headquarters in Atl. However, if you know of anyone who might be interested in sponsoring please let me know. And if YOU'RE interested in helping me, let me know. I'd love to have to you!

Obviously I am aware of the fact that this will take a ton of work and is probably very far-fetched. Who knows how far I'll get with this...but I really want to try. Our country's youth are so important, we have to do everything we can to give them a step up in the world. For starters, we need elected officials who are in office based on morality and not only because of fear tactics and connections. We need people who will vote for children and their best interests. Heres a little fact: Obama voted for children about 87% last year, Biden: 86%, McCain: less than 28%

This election is so important for children if nothing else.

Anyways, getting off my little soapbox... if you want to find out more about CDF and Freedom Schools, I've posted the link below.

http://www.childrensdefense.org/site/PageNavigator/Freedom_Schools

ESFJ

So I retook the Jung Typology test...and found out that I am: slightly expressed extrovert, slightly expressed sensing personality, distinctively expressed feeling personality, and moderately judging personality. I am the same as Jordan, so to see one explanation of our type you can read her page. But I liked this description: 

Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.

All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ESFJs, as do most SJs, bear strong allegiance to rights of seniority. They willingly provide service (which embodies life's meaning) and expect the same from others.

ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.   An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.

As caretakers, ESFJs sense danger all around--germs within, the elements without, unscrupulous malefactors, insidious character flaws. The world is a dangerous place, not to be trusted. Not that the ESFJ is paranoid; 'hyper-vigilant' would be more precise. And thus they serve excellently as protectors, outstanding in fields such as medical care and elementary education.

Famous ESFJs:

U.S. Presidents:

William McKinley

William J. Clinton 

Desi Arnaz ("Ricky Ricardo")
John Connally (former Governor of Texas)
Terry Bradshaw, NFL quarterback
Sally Struthers (All in the Family)
Mary Tyler Moore
Dixie Carter (Designing Women)
Steve Spurrier, Heismann trophy winner, Univ. of Fla. football coach
Sally Field
Danny Glover, actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2 Margaret Butt
Nancy Kerrigan (U.S. olympic figureskater)
Elvis Stojko (Canadian olympic figureskater)

Fictional ESFJs:

Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek)
Monica (Friends)
Donald Duck
Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh

Right Now...

I feel like everything I do is wrong. I have no right to think the way I do, or feel a certain way about a subject, or be vocal about how I feel...it's like, as soon as I try to stand up for myself it's viewed as taking advantage of or being mean to someone else. And that is so frustrating. I try to be the best person I can be. I might not be the smartest person you know, but I try to be intelligent and well-informed. I'm definitely not the prettiest or best-dressed. I'm sorry I don't have a very good attention span, but I do try. I don't have the same problems as you, but I have my own. And I draw from them to try and help you. Everybody is different. And although I absolutely love all my friends, please forgive me if sometimes I need my space; it's nothing personal. I am not a mean person, but sometimes I can be. Is it possible to become a bitch at the age of 19? I feel like thats what people are thinking of me right now. Sometimes I say things that make sense in my head but then when I say them- they sound so mean...or stupid. I am sensitive too, ok? I can't always handle negativity.

On a different note, while I was home this weekend, I found out that my dad was just diagnosed with Lime Disease. And while this may not be as serious as something like cancer...it really freaked me out. What would I do without my daddy? He is only 51...thats not that old, right? I'm not ready to start worrying about my parents health. I still need them. My dad still takes me to the doctor, and gets my car fixed. He puts money in my account when I need it and stands up for me when people criticize me. He makes my mom sane when she has a meltdown and takes care of our pets. He brings me presents when he goes out of town and takes me to get ice cream. He taught me how to drive, how to hike, how to appreciate things...But most of all, he loves me more than anyone else. And he takes care of me...thats all I need.

Evaluate.

I stole this from Trey.....

Do you have a good reputation?  Sometimes I wonder...
Have you ever cheated? Never had a boyfriend to cheat on.
Ever made someone cry and laughed?  Um, not that I'm aware of...

Are you confused right now? I feel like I'm always somewhat confused.
Who do you wanna spend the rest of your life with? Whoever I end up marrying...and the friends I have now. I don't want to lose them either.

Are you single? Yes.
Are you in love?  I'm not in love..but I love my friends and and family a whole lot.
How many assholes do you know?  Um, at this point I can't really think of any I know personally.
Favorite color? Green....and light yellow and teal. And I've really been liking purple lately.
Do you like being in a relationship? I don't know..I feel like I would.
Who pissed you off today? No one today.
When's the last time you cried? A week ago.
Are you upset? Not at this moment
Have you ever been depressed? Not the way some people have, but yes.
One question thats on your mind? Where will I live next year.
Last phone call? Trey.
Last text? Anjuli.
Person you're trying to ignore? No one.
Last death? My great-grandfather.

If you could kiss the last person you kissed, would you? Never been kissed.
Do you regret things? Yes.
Do you think anyone will read your answers? Possibly.

Who would you like to be with right now? Marina.
Who do you trust? Most people I'm close to.
Are you on the phone? No.
Who would you like to fall asleep to on the phone?  I wouldn't want to fall asleep while talking to anyone on the phone.
Do you forgive easily? Yes.
What's on your mind? Too much to say.
If you could apologize to anyone right now, who would it be? I'm not really sure.
Do you like cheese? Yes, but not excessive amounts.

Are you currently bored? Tired...and a little bored.
In the past five days, what would you go back and change? Nothing huge, I just wish I hadn't stayed at home last night.
Are you honest? I try my hardest to be.
Are you believable? I think...?
What are you listening to? "Live Your Life" By Rihanna
Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work? Never even heard of that until recently. So, no.
What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone? Who knows.
Ever been in a car wreck? Thank the lord, no.
Were you popular in high school? Yeah right. 
Have you ever been on a blind date? No.
Are looks important? Important but not everything.

Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more? Yes.
By what age would you like to be married? Around 25-28
Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them? Most definitely.
Have you ever made a mistake? Duh.
Are you a good tipper? Yes.
What's the most you have spent for a haircut? $35
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope...well maybe a little one on Mr. Boyd. 9th grade english.
Have you ever peed in public? Um, I think so.
What song do you want played at your funeral? "Amazing Grace" played by Bagpipes
Would you tell your parents if you were gay? Yes.
What would your last meal be before getting executed? Hm...Chicken Parm and pasta.
Beatles or Stones? Definitely the Beatles.
If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who? I don't believe in violence.
What are your plans for the future? Graduate, move to NY, have some type of job involving special needs kids, get married, have kids...the usual.
Do you walk around the house naked? Underwear, yes. Naked, no.
If you were an animal what would you be? A dog.
Would you rather be blind or deaf? Deaf.  
Do you have any special talents? Um, no special weird talents...but I can dance on a good day.
What do you do as soon as you walk in the house? Take off my shoes.

Do you like horror or comedy? Definitely comedy. I love to laugh and hate to be scared.
Are you missing anyone? Yeah...
If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do? Evangeline Lilly.
Where do you want to live when you are old? With people who love me.
Who is the person you can count on the most? My dad.
If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be? I really don't know....
What did you dream last night? I don't remember.
What is your favorite sport to watch? Soccer.
Are you named after anyone? Not my first name but my middle name is after my mom's old best friend.
Have you ever been in love? No.
Do you sing in the shower? Not usually, but I have.
What is your favorite Holiday? I love all holidays, but especially Halloween and Christmas.
Would you ever get plastic surgery? Only if I needed it because of an accident or something.
Have you ever caught a fish? Yep, with my daddy.

Friends and Hurricanes

I wanted to apologize, my last post was fairly depressing. Although, to whom I'm apologizing I'm not really sure. I guess anyone- for having to experience my dramatic unhappiness. But have no fear! This post will be much more cheerful.

I've found myself wanting to hug my friends every time I see them. Trey and I were having this conversation last night. I love my friends so much and I am so freaking lucky to have them. To have You. You're awesome. So now I've found myself being a little overzealous in my time with you. I'm all for the bonding time, hugging, talking, cooking, listening. It's all so awesome. We're so lucky to all be able to live together like this. Of course I am also loving and missing my friends from home, and those who don't live here, etc. But it's like, I don't want to miss any minute that I could spend with my friends, unless I'm taking a nap of course. But I even dislike leaving everyone to go to bed at night. I can already tell I'm going to go into withdrawal when I go home Winter break and then next summer...ick. I don't want to think about it.

Completely changing topics, Caitie gave me this link of pictures from Hurricane Ike and the damage it did in Texas. Its so horrible. how can something be so beautiful and so absolutely horrible at the same time. So many people have lost lives, friends and family, homes, pets. It just breaks my heart. They are all in my prayers. I wish people would wise up and realize that the increase in horrible storms is due to the increase in Global Warming. It makes me so furious when people say that global warming isn't true. How the heck can you say something like that just isn't true?!?! We're all going to die because some people don't want to stop driving their SUVs or start recycling. asdfghjkljhgfds. OK, that was a little bit dramatic, but it seriously makes me so angry.

I had a lot more to say on the topic of friends..and other things as well. But seeing as I started this blog 2 days ago and I still haven't finished, kind of takes away my concentration and flow.

Oh well, I'm so excited for tonight! Peace.

P.S.

I've posted below the link Caitie sent me, see for yourself the devastation...

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/the_short_but_eventful_life_of.html

Damien Rice.

So, today was kind of a horrible day. I won't go into details..it was just a bad day. Or...morning and night rather. The in between wasn't too bad. And I have Eva to thank for that.

I had a really rough morning, and absolutely no one was at school for me to go to. So I texted Eva and asked her to come back a little earlier because I needed her. Everyone needs a friend like Eva- the kind that will drop everything for you when you need them. 

So anyways, Eva came back to school and picked me up- she even had a silly present for me. What would a girl be without some chocolate, jelly beans, and diamond lipgloss? The bag and tissue paper were really awesome too. We drove around to find a place for me to get my haircut- which always makes me feel really great for some reason. And this was definitely an adventure. We ended up at a Great Clips where this lady with a gold tooth cut my hair crooked. It was awesome. Then we went to Barnes and Noble (which we decided is waayy better than Borders) and Eva bought me the first Twighlight book! She is determined that I will become as obsessed with them as she is so she'll have someone to share them with. We couldn't find the teen section but we didn't want to ask someone because that takes away all the fun of perusing a bookstore. We did finally succumb to asking though- we were looking on the opposite side of the store...

After that we found this awesome mexican restaurant that I can't remember the name of- but we are definitely taking everyone back to it. We decided it would be really fun with a group of people to sit on the patio. We talked about life and friends and everything...it was one of "those" conversations that you always remember. The kind where bonding happens and everything feels perfect.

After dinner we went back to the dorms, I took a lovely nap and then took a bath and listened to Damien Rice. Which is always amazing. But then I started getting kind of down again. luckily Morgan came home and we talked for a while which made me feel better. And then Trey finally came back which was good.

I've noticed that I feel really uncomfortable with girls I don't know. It doesn't bother me as much with guys. But I always feel like girls are instantly judging me in a new situation like a party. And I feel bad because then I probably give off a bad vibe- but I can't help it sometimes. I don't really know how to act, I didn't ever do that type of thing in high school. And now I feel like I'm permanently defective in that area. 

I want to cry. Again. And I don't really have a reason anymore, I just feel like nothing is going right. Everything is wrong.

Or maybe it's just because I'm listening to Damien Rice again and I never got to talk to Trey which always makes me feel better. Who knows. I'm acting like such a drama queen. I'm done.

Those are most of my thoughts for tonight. I'm going to go start my book now! I love new books, they're so great. And hopefully i'll fall asleep soon since I have to get up at 7:30am. Ick.

10 things.

So, I am completely taking Eva's idea of  "My 10 Favorite Things of the Week". But I just felt it was necessary.

10. Deans French Onion Dip. Jordan recently turned me on to eating this dip with blue corn chips and it is DELICIOUS.

9. Television. I don't watch a lot of TV, but when you think about it the television is an amazing invention. How else would billions of people be able to tune into something like the Republican National Convention last night...

8. Speaking of the RNC, I love that we live in a nation where the Republican presidential candidate can choose a female governor from Alaska who was elected because she has experience as a PTA and hockey mom. Oh yes. That is experience right there.

7. Google. Its amazing. How else would we be able to find so much information and things like Trey's new profile picture.

6. Public Parks. I love going to parks and hanging out with friends. I also love watching all the different types of people that walk by...and taking naps.

5. My mac computer. Of course this is always a favorite, but I am especially happy with mine right now given that I'm writing this blog while in class...

4. Chacos. Every time I walk around campus I find myself looking for those exceptional people wearing Chacos. Many times I can look at a person and know immediately that he or she is wearing them. Chaco wearing people are just plain cool.

3. Obama. I love him so much. He always stays above criticizing his opponents and always responds with a smile when criticisms are directed at him

2. Sleepovers. They just make me so happy! There is something about snuggling up with your best friends that just completely warms your heart.

1. GA State University. I just love it so much! Except for when they do stupid things like putting stupid holds on my account...but overall I love this school!

=D

So, I've been here at State for a week and a half now...and I still absolutely love it! I'm a little concerned about my Modern Judaism and Intro to Religion classes but I'm hoping they'll get better. All my other classes are awesome. I'm taking two Education classes for my major, 2 religion classes, and World History since 1500 with the most amazing teach ever. I love going to that class, Gainty is just so enthusiastic about everything he talks about and his enthusiasm is so contagious. I always look forward to that class.

Outside of academics I'm having so much fun! I am sitting at my desk right now, looking out at the city and I love it. I just got done making pancakes with my amazing roommate Jordan. She decided to skip her 8am Art class this morning. So around 10:45 she came into my room and got in bed with me so we could talk for a while. Then we made deliciouussss pancakes and meat-free sausage. I love living here! I love that we have this amazing view of the city, I love having 3 awesome roommates, I love having Trey around the corner, I love having Eva a few floors down. I love that so many of our friends are in this one building with us! I love how we all make meals together, walk to class together, meet for lunch in between classes, watch movies on school nights...I love that we're such a community here. And I love being so close to home so that friends can visit and it's not a big deal to go home. Alli came to visit Sunday night and it was so good to see her! And my parents are coming for lunch tomorrow before my Dad leaves for a week. The only thing I could complain about is that I hate going home for work and that I'm supposed to be going to this Seminar every Thursday. I feel like now that I'm here I never want to leave. I really need to find a job here in Atl so I don't have to be going home every weekend and missing out on everything.

 

Anyways, I'm just so lucky how everything turned out here. My parents are finally happy for me and love that I'm here at State, and everything is just so great! I can't believe I was ever so nervous, I should have just had faith. But then I wouldn't have been being Marissa. I'm a natural-born worrier. But I think I'm getting to the point where I can put some of that aside and just let things happen. I often think too much about things, which makes it worse. 

We had Eva's dance birthday party last weekend and it was perfect! We all had so much fun and she was really happy with everything. Trey made Eva an awesome party mix that we listened to, we had delicious cake that Eva's friend Beth made her, and we danced. A lot. I love dancing. And Eva makes it so much fun when she starts doing all of her 'bad dance moves' or whatever they're called, that she and Marina made up. They're hilarious! But I did really miss Marina and wish she was there. She would have had so much fun! But we definitely danced in her name. It was so great to hang out with Eva's friends and our mutual friends. I love it when friends are conjoined and it works out. It's so much fun! And it makes everything easier. It also made me happy that Nick got to come...hopefully he'll be back again soon! Overall, the party was definitely a success...especially since we had a yummy breakfast the next morning courtesy of Alex :)

 

I'm rushing next weekend! And I'm really excited. I've really missed having that type of a community from dance. It's different than the kind I have here with my friends in the Commons. And I'm really excited to try something new. But I'm also nervous (oops), because some things some people have said to me have kind of hit home. And I don't want to change into someone my friends don't like. Which I would never think I would. I mean, I'm 19. And I don't picture me changing completely because I associate myself with a certain group of people. I don't want people to judge me or treat me differently because of who I'm friends with. But I also don't want to go through rush and then feel sucked into something I've decided isn't really right for me. I guess I just need to let it go...I've already signed up- so I know I'm definitely going to rush. And whatever happens after that...I'll just leave it up to God. :)

Everything Ends.

You know when you're in a bad mood? And you know you're not being very nice to people, like your mom, but you still find yourself being short and snappy with them? And then you come in contact with someone else. So you think- well i'll be nice to this person...and then they're grouchy too? It just ruins everything and puts you in an even worse mood. I hate how everything is so effected by everything else...even though it shouldn't be, really. I know I create my own reality, whatever. I don't really care right now. 

     Y.O.U. is coming to an end for me, and it was such a strong support system for me over the past 2 years. It came in to my life when I needed it most. And it makes me so sad to think that maybe I'm outgrowing it a little bit...or maybe I'm just letting myself be too cranky. Who knows. I'm in one of those moods again. It's still sad for me to think that its the end of an era. Where I went to youth group every Sunday. It was the highlight of my week...and it's just not anymore. I'm sad to leave the people behind and what it used to be. But not sad to leave what it's become. This has really been bothering me for a while- so I think I should write about it. Ever since Lenore left I really felt like everything in our youth group went way down hill. I mean, yea we've grown tremendously, and we've become more active in the church. But I just really felt like a lot of the heart was gone. Part of that feeling probably had a large thing to do with the way she left. I have a really head time with situations when people are treated unfairly. And I was absolutely furious with our Minister for how this situation was handled. I just wish she could understand the magnitude of what she did. I know we have Richard now, and he is amaazzinng. He's done so much for us already...but I just can't connect with him the way I could with Lenore. Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter for me now since I've graduated and everything. It just makes me so sad that there are only a few people left in YOU who even know who Lenore is and what she accomplished at Unity North. I guess I should just focus on the positive side for her and accept that it's happened and over.

Wow. This has definitely been a bit of a cranky post. I apologize. I think I'm just really ready to be at school already. But at the same time, I don't want the responsibilities that come along with it. Like, for example: I have to wake up at 5:45am so I can go to freaking Incept/Orientation. By myself. I hate doing things by myself I've noticed. And I've really taken for granted the fact that I almost always have Trey to do things with. I mean, the kid even came job hunting with me because I didn't want to go alone...

I also have to figure out how to get my transcript from App to State so they will have all my classes and everything will be in order. And I have to figure out how to get to and from work once I start school. And I have to pack. Before 7am Thursday morning. And figure out what I need to bring for the dorm to contribute. And make sure I'm in the right classes. OK, now I'm stressing myself out. This has become quite the rant. I'm done now. Good night.

Change?

So here I am..once again; desperately needing sleep but not tired enough to even try yet. Today was another really good day. Eva and I went to see "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and it was sooo good! I recommend it to anyone. I definitely want to buy it when it comes out on DVD. So good! Anyways, then Eva and I went to figure out my hours at work, and then to visit Trey at Apple. Then we we went and bought food for din and hair dye. We made delicious pasta with greek feta salad dressing, artichokes, olives, mozzarella and tomatoes. It was so delicious! Then Eva helped me dye my hair! I'd been wanting to make a change for a while. I just get so bored with things sometimes... Which is weird. Because I generally HATE change. With a passion. But there are some things that I just get so bored with that I have to change them. This got my thinking...I'm really weird. I absolutely can't wait to move in at State, start school, and get away from home. But at the same time, I don't want anything to change. I've gotten so accustomed to having my parents around to help me with things, being able to hang out with all my friends from home, and lounge by the pool whenever I wanted. It's also such a weird feeling for me to think that I'm going BACK  to college. And yet, I'm completely starting over. Of course I am super super lucky that I already have TWO of my best friends at State, and I love my roommate...but I can't help but think about how much I really am going to miss going back to App and living with Jessie in the L. Not to mention the fact that I know my relationships with Trey and Eva won't be anything like what I'm used to at home. They have their own friends who expect them to be with them all of the time and to act a certain way...etc. This makes me so nervous. I don't want things to change between any of us, I don't want to have to adjust. I know it's the mature thing to do. But maybe I'm just not ready to do that yet.

I guess I just have accept and give gratitude for the fact that I have amazing friends who will always love me no matter what. And that whatever happens at school, that will never change.